Tue 25th Aug - Valencia
The holiday begins with the customary 5am start and a baggage breakdown at Manchester Airport causes the patrons of scum air to go into meltdown. After the chaos is carefully circumnavigated, fresh beers await airside.
With time to kill in Charleroi airport, a little jaunt to the city centre is in order. Very little to see, I'd rather have stayed in the airport toilet for a couple of hours. Back at the airport is a rather senior stag party complete with matching La Tomatina tees.
Arrive in Valencia and meet Oscar, our host, he's very friendly and provides us with everything we need. Quick explore of Valencia, it's very small but the architecture is fantastic. Sample some Cava Sangria, totes delish.
Wed 26th Aug-Valencia
LA TOMATINA! What we've all been waiting for is finally upon us. It begins with a sangria party at 8am. Ben decides to take it upon himself to have a little pre-tomato rumble with Sangria and is completely doused. Ladies, heavy flow! It soon turns into a Sangria fight with hundreds of people getting involved. Even the reps don't hold back.
Suitably soaked we head into Bunõl for the main event. With a couple of hours to go, the crowd are funnelled into the narrow streets where the tomato trucks unload. An odd form of pre-fight entertainment is on show. A greased up 30 foot pole with some Serrano ham hanging tantalisingly close is set upon by the savages. I watch for 2 hours as people constantly climb on each other to try and get the ham. It looks brutal. At 1 point a rather trim looking young lady gets near the top of the pole but the story doesn't end there. A rugged not-so gentle man dressed as a barbarian decides to remove the young lady's lower garments leaving her toned posterior exposed to the 20,000 strong horde. The inevitable immense embarrassment follows and the biggest cheer of the day goes up. Not before the barbarian fully exposes his meat and 2 veg for all to see. This goes on for too long.
Ammo and Ben decide to get in on the action but don't make it to stage 2 on the human pyramid. The petard sounds and all hell breaks loose for an hour as 175 tonnes of tomatoes are hurled wildly in every direction. The aroma of the squashed Tomatoes does mask the hideous stench of 20,000 sweaty bodies. Throughout I struggle to see through the blizzard of toms. Amazing fun, painful but an experience I will never forget.
Then to get hosed down and get the bus back. Not before a celebratory beer obviously. The morning really takes it out of us so a long nap is in order before we go to the after party in the evening. We are bussed to an old industrial estate where we enter a very slick outdoor club. Complete with Ibiza vibe and a cool DJ (we later find out he's a bit of fraud but hey).
Many, many drinks are consumed while we dance our arses off and generally look like tools but that's no different to any other day.
So the end of the night comes and the long bus back but not before we discuss the day's hot topic, top 5 Backstreet Boys songs of all time. As well as who is your favourite BS boy. It's an unequivocal Brian from Ammo, zero hesitation.
Thurs 27th Aug-Madrid
The day begins with a corking hangover, cleaning up the tomato destruction that has followed us home and packing. A short walk to the train station and we're on our way. The train is rather luxurious and 2 hours fly by. Next stop Madrid!
Confuse the hell out of our taxi driver who drives around for what seems like 2 days before he finally finds the flat. He even has the cheek to claim part of the change as a tip?!
Our lovely host 'Mar' hasn't quite finished cleaning so we're despatched to the local cervezaria. Later in the evening we go for some excellent tapas at Taberno Concha in La Latina.
This wipes Ben and I out and are ready for sleepy times. Ammo unperturbed by flying solo heads out looking for some evening delight. He finds it in the shape of a young Bolivian bar maid who shows him the sights of the city, lovely girl.
Fri 28th Aug-Madrid
Set off bright and early (11.30am) into the centre of Madrid for a little sightseeing. We take in the Plaza Mayor and the Puerto del Sol before heading off to Buen Retiro Park.
After a quick pit stop for beer and cocktails we set off onto the high seas where our porter rows us around the lake, while B and I sup another beer.
There was a severe sunburn risk as in my infinite wisdom I forgot to apply the necessary epidermis protection for the midday ball of sky fire. Time will tell if this was a rash decision or a carefully calculated risk that ultimately provided unbridled joy.
Next up was the roof top bar at El Corte Anglés at Gran Via for some gourmet burgers that strangely all arrived with just lettuce and a beef patty, I'm no foodie but I expect a tad more than the average McConsumer. I couldn't fault the succulence of the beef though.
In the evening, we turn it up a notch to just below gangster at another rather swanky rooftop bar at the ME hotel in Sol. Think Radio City in London but poorly designed. Both bars are in the wrong locations, covering the stunning views to the North and West. It does provide a pleasant view of the plaza below and a rather tasty Absolut Kurrant and lemonade. A and B prefer to follow the crowd and jump on the Gin bandwagon.
Next up is the lively area of Malasana for some awesome steak and red wine. We continue our evening by venturing to a club called Joy. It's quite cool, although it does have a slightly Ritz vibe to the decor. We get talking to a few tourists, who to our surprise say they're from Manchester?! How long have you lived there, err 2 years. I'm originally from a small village near Southampton. Hmm, not a bad effort but nothing on the girl in London who said she was from Manchester and was actually from Huddersfield. The horror. The Madrid sunshine has taken it out of us so B and I retire but A stays out....again. This time visiting another part of South America, Colombia. I'm led to believe she looked like Gloria from Modern Family. All I'll say is that we'd been drinking all day......
Sat 29th Aug-Madrid/Bilbao
Interesting start to the day, extremely hungover as the next guests troop through the front door complete with cases, kids and a rather disheveled look. Our host thinks we've gone and decides to let the next incumbents into the flat while we're still packing up. Awks isn't the word. After a saunter across town for a much needed full English we head to get our train to Bilbao. It's quite a hefty journey, 5 hours in total.
We arrive at our new home for the next couple of days and eventually our AirBnB host appears, God knows what she'd been doing, we didn't ask!
Next stop, the street parties of Bilbao. It is a bit like a festival in the middle of a city with music stages and Oktoberfestesque tents. There's all kinds of music playing, from awful Europop to Death Metal. We happen across a gay tent where the lesbian bar tenders just looked right through A. You can pick your favourite form of descrimination as a reason, we got all bases covered here. A was raging and he swears he was about to 'slap' someone. Luckily I calm him down by taking him to a tent that was playing Taylor Swift's much maligned global smash 'Shake it off'. He certainly did shake it off. The only thing missing was a Backstreet Boys hit and the night would have been perfecto.
Sun 30th Aug - Bilbao
Another day, another hangover....unless you're B and was sensible the night before. Not sure I've said that this millennium. Today we head for the Guggenheim, it's an extremely impressive edifice.
The first exhibition we see is a collection by Jean-Michel Basquiat. In my opinion it was pretty dreadful but each to their own. The Jeff Koons collection was excellent though. See the steel poodle below. Shhh you weren't allowed to take pictures and security were constantly hovering within taser distance.
Later it was time to sample Bilbao's most famous drink, the Kalimotxo. Pronounced cal-i-moto. It is half a glass of red wine poured over ice and topped up with cola. Sounds disgusting, tastes worse! Ok not really, it's a delight for the taste buds and 1 swiftly turns into 3.
Sadly this brings an end to proceedings of the Basque kind and all things Espagne. Gracias España, has sido maravillosa (you've been wonderful).
