Tuesday 12th Sept 2017
A380, you were your wonderful, beautiful self. Even showed Man. United in the Champions League live. Tried the new Star Wars film, lasted 20 minutes. Then tried the new Tom Hanks tech-drama, the Circle. If you like formulaic twaddle that breaks no ground then this is for you.
Quick stop in Dubai, few beers before the second 7 hour flight of the day. As usual the flight was only half full and I had 4 seats to myself. Managed to get a kind of half sleep for most of it and in a flash we're on the ground.
Wednesday 13th Sept 2017
I meet Ammo at his work and we go back to his flat to decant excess clothes and reading material. I'm pretty shattered now but we go and sample a few of the bars in the centre.
Wednesday 13th Sept 2017
I meet Ammo at his work and we go back to his flat to decant excess clothes and reading material. I'm pretty shattered now but we go and sample a few of the bars in the centre.
Everywhere is buzzing with the sound of petrol heads from Oz, the UK and the US. We even get a glimpse of the track, some roads were already cordoned off.
Thursday 14th Sept 2017
Jet-lag is a killer and I don't rise until 2pm, Ammo has already missed half a day at work, oops. Matt has arrived albeit a day late, his flight was double booked. So I get myself together and call an uber. The first guy cancels on me, apparently a well-known apartment block is too difficult to find. The second does turn up and he is a legend telling me all sorts of facts about how Singapore is only 277 square miles in size. Next stop, the dream, the iconic Marina Bay Sands. Matt finds me in the lobby and shows us to our amazing room. Now for the fun to begin....
The exclusive Skypark on the 57th floor, so exclusive you have to change lifts at the 34th. The vistas are truly stunning. Don't take my word for it, just look!
After a couple beers that are £10 a pop we take a look at the famous infinity pool. It does not disappoint. Later in the evening we meet Ammo at the Bull and Bear in the Downtown area.
Matt and I get introduced to a couple of ex-pats that live out there. Everyone seems to stay for much longer than they planned. It does seem a wonderful place so you can imagine why. Some of these guys are "proper cockney wide-boys" to give them their colloquial term, and waste no time in telling me how they "blagged/lied" their way onto the top habitable floor (54th) of Marina Bay Sands. We were on the 4th. Their abode also had a cinema room. Ours had a separate room for the toilet. More very expensive drinks ensue and a drunken evening is complete with a trip to the casino. Matt goes big on roulette and comes out over 200 dollars up, very enjoyable evening. I of course gamble nothing. Jet-lag is still at play and we don't get to bed until 7am?!
Thursday 14th Sept 2017
Jet-lag is a killer and I don't rise until 2pm, Ammo has already missed half a day at work, oops. Matt has arrived albeit a day late, his flight was double booked. So I get myself together and call an uber. The first guy cancels on me, apparently a well-known apartment block is too difficult to find. The second does turn up and he is a legend telling me all sorts of facts about how Singapore is only 277 square miles in size. Next stop, the dream, the iconic Marina Bay Sands. Matt finds me in the lobby and shows us to our amazing room. Now for the fun to begin....
The exclusive Skypark on the 57th floor, so exclusive you have to change lifts at the 34th. The vistas are truly stunning. Don't take my word for it, just look!
After a couple beers that are £10 a pop we take a look at the famous infinity pool. It does not disappoint. Later in the evening we meet Ammo at the Bull and Bear in the Downtown area.
Matt and I get introduced to a couple of ex-pats that live out there. Everyone seems to stay for much longer than they planned. It does seem a wonderful place so you can imagine why. Some of these guys are "proper cockney wide-boys" to give them their colloquial term, and waste no time in telling me how they "blagged/lied" their way onto the top habitable floor (54th) of Marina Bay Sands. We were on the 4th. Their abode also had a cinema room. Ours had a separate room for the toilet. More very expensive drinks ensue and a drunken evening is complete with a trip to the casino. Matt goes big on roulette and comes out over 200 dollars up, very enjoyable evening. I of course gamble nothing. Jet-lag is still at play and we don't get to bed until 7am?!
Friday 15th Sept 2017
After our "massive" win and very late night, it is difficult to pull ourselves together before the early afternoon. Today is race day though. Today we will get our first glimpse of an F1 car in full flow. It is the first of 2 pre-race practices and I could not be more excited. First task is to collect the tickets, no easy feat as we have to navigate the labyrinth of shops within Raffles. The Singaporeans fucking love to shop! Simply insane amount of designer wear. All tickets secured, a relief I must say as it was all on me. Now we enter the paddock...
We wander all over the circuit taking the cars in from every angle we can get. Have a look at our race seats, which are opposite the pit lane. Amazing, amazing day. The cars really are something else when you see them up close. The noise is so aggressive and the colours in equal measure are so vivid. The speed they generate is phenomenal. We get to see my man Lewis and his car looks just that little bit meaner, like a great white shark stalking the pit lane.
After all that exhilaration, what could we possibly do next but attend an exclusive networking event at a rooftop bar in the heart of the CBD. The party is hosted by Matt's dad who is also out there for the race. We get introduced to a few corporate types and the drinks are FREE! 3 Espresso Martinis please, followed by plenty more. I sample my first Singapore sling, it's quite aromatic and very fruity. Also, picked up some handy tips for my property business.
This is where the night gets interesting. Ammo had heard about our big win on roulette the previous night and wants to get involved. What follows is a streak I have never seen in my life. At 1 point Ammo is betting $500 chips and winning. He walks to the cashier at the end of the night $2500 up! There was a bit of bravado with the croupiers which didn't go down too well but hey, this was our night. Simply incredible. I think we successfully, as George Clooney says in Ocean's 11, "took the house".
Saturday 16th Sept 2017
Qualifying day! After the Mercedes boys put in a decent showing in the practice, I was quietly confident we wouldn't be too far off the pace. This time we visit the Padang part of the circuit, which has live acts on. It is basically a full on festival it's that big. We sample a bit of Ariana Grande, it is very poor. Paint by numbers, bland pop, which the kids love. We head over to the pit lane to take our seats for qualifying. Lewis is in the mix in Q1 and Q2, registering the third best time, ahead of Vettel. We could be on here. Unfortunately in Q3, Vettel pulls out a stellar lap and gets pole with Lewis in 5th. Not the worst but a disappointing, if not expected result. Lewis is quoted as saying he will need a "miracle" tomorrow. We drown our sorrows by heading back to Padang where the Chainsmokers are playing. They're pretty good, throw in a few old school covers as they don't have the back catalogue to last the full 90 minutes. Entertaining nevertheless. We even get on the track, lovely added bonus.
Qualifying day! After the Mercedes boys put in a decent showing in the practice, I was quietly confident we wouldn't be too far off the pace. This time we visit the Padang part of the circuit, which has live acts on. It is basically a full on festival it's that big. We sample a bit of Ariana Grande, it is very poor. Paint by numbers, bland pop, which the kids love. We head over to the pit lane to take our seats for qualifying. Lewis is in the mix in Q1 and Q2, registering the third best time, ahead of Vettel. We could be on here. Unfortunately in Q3, Vettel pulls out a stellar lap and gets pole with Lewis in 5th. Not the worst but a disappointing, if not expected result. Lewis is quoted as saying he will need a "miracle" tomorrow. We drown our sorrows by heading back to Padang where the Chainsmokers are playing. They're pretty good, throw in a few old school covers as they don't have the back catalogue to last the full 90 minutes. Entertaining nevertheless. We even get on the track, lovely added bonus.
Sunday 17th Sept 2017
Still not quite on Singapore time but this isn't any morning, THIS IS RACE DAY! Ammo books us into the no.1 restaurant in Asia, called the Manhattan at the Regency Hotel. This was an unbelievable experience. It was a 4 hour boozy brunch including unlimited champagne and food. The food is exquisite, it begins with a Caesar Salad that comes in a jar and you have to shake it up before you begin. Then a poached egg with asparagus and bacon. Next is the buffet, there are 4 stations to indulge yourself in; a Delicatessen Counter, a Seafood Counter, a cutting board with fillet steak and a cheese board. This all before the main course of "Fish and Chips" and Smoked Foie Gras. During this time, the servers are unbelievably attentive and I am never without at least 3 drinks, usually consisting of Champagne, a Bees Knees cocktail (Gin, Lemon, Honey) and another Bees Knees. The Bees Knees cocktail was something to behold, heaven in a glass. You won't believe this but there was even desserts, all equally incredible. My favourite was the white chocolate and peanut butter log, delightful. Our bottle of Champagne even had its own table, that's just how we roll. Ok so this was extravagant but not that expensive considering it was Singapore, we made sure we got our money's worth.
We stop by at Ce La Vi, yes that's how they spell it. Ce La Vi is the exclusive bar on the top of the Marina Bay Sands. The boys go big and order a bottle of Whiskey, I do not partake as I'm not a big fan of Whiskey so it would be completely wasted on me.
Lights out (start of the race) is rapidly approaching, we scurry across the bay to our grandstand seats on the actual start/finish line. Ammo gets the beers in while I prepare myself. The track is busier than the grandstand, you can barely see the cars. I manage to spy David Coulthard and Mark Webber doing their interviews for channel 4, which was pretty cool.
Ammo arrives just in time for the formation lap and then a miracle happens. It starts to rain. This is a game changer and everybody knows it. Lewis is supreme in the wet so confidence starts to build. IT'S LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO. All I can see is that it's generally a smooth getaway, then I hear a combination of gasps, shrieks and cheers. I look down the straight and I see a Ferrari and a Redbull in the wall. I quickly glance up at the screen and see Vettel going backwards and Lewis in P1. Then it all goes black. When I come around, I'm on my feet and hugging Matt screaming like crazy, "Come on Lewis, come on Lewis!". A few people sarcastically ask if we're Lewis Hamilton fans. The cheering goes on until Lewis comes round for the first lap. I'm absolutely elated. Now I can really enjoy the race. The race pretty much goes perfectly, both Ferraris out, Lewis at the front controlling the pace. Apart from a couple of safety cars, it's all under control. I didn't even dream the result could be this perfect. When the chequered flag comes out and Lewis crosses the line to an explosion of synchronised pyrotechnics, it's party time. We celebrate like it's 1999 (treble). We head onto the track for the winners presentations. Eddie Jordan is conducting the interviews and it's amazing to see Lewis and Danny Ric up close. Copious amounts of pictures later and some lighthearted banter with the Ferrari fans, it's time to head back to the hotel and Ce La Vi in particular. Few more drinks and some dad dancing later, we pour ourselves into bed. Ammo sleeps on a chair then gets up and goes to work at 7am, the man is a machine.
Monday 18th Sept 2017
Matt's last day at MBS (Marina Bay Sands) is greeted by a tropical storm. We plan to go to the Sky Garden but the weather is so bad, we can't even leave the hotel. It eventually clears up by the evening and Matt gets his wish to go up to the viewing platforms. The light show is set to the music of Chicago, Les Miserables et al. It's rather beautiful.
Tuesday 19th Sept 2017
Matt left at the ungodly hour of 5.30am, at least he gets his flight this time. I check into my new hotel, the Grand Park City Hall. All I want now is some peace and quiet and to relax by the pool. Slight issue, the hotel is undergoing some renovations so there is incessant drilling from 9am until 7pm and the pool is shut. It leaves me with no choice but to check out. Shame really as the room was lovely. I check into the hotel across the road called the Peninsula Excelsior, it's not quite as ornate and regal but the pool is open and there's no drilling. I spend the evening exploring the local areas of Boat and Clarke Quay. They're both very lively for a Tuesday.
Wednesday 20th Sept 2017
I spend most the day relaxing by the pool and reading my book. The weather is rather inclement however, so unfortunately I spend large portions under an umbrella. In the evening I head out to meet Ammo at yet another rooftop bar, level 33.
If anything the views are better than at MBS. We then hit a bar called Liu Liu's, really swanky and the girls seem to drink for free so it's packed. We order Champagne as it seems like the right thing to do, now we're "ballers". Later we head to the club next door called Bang Bang, plenty of chart RnB and vodka. At least this time we get a free drink with entry, this never materialises but I'm done anyway. Ammo manages to lose his bag but also recovers it the next day, winning!
Thursday 21st Sept 2017
Another day, another change of location. This time I'm moving back to Ammo's place. I dine at Clinton's New York Bakery where they serve me up a mountain of pancakes for lunch. I can't get anywhere near finishing them. Once I've met Ammo at work and picked up his key, I can head back to his for more time by the pool. It's stunning, bit cold on entry but you soon get used to it. I still can't get my head around just leaving all my valuables unattended so I keep a close eye on them at all times. It's fine, I don't think there's been a theft since the great pencil sharpener robbery of 1987. Halcyon days.
Apparently we have to eat again later. Ammo takes me to a place called Burnt Ends, it is fantastic. We share taramasalata, egg plant and some Jamaican Chicken. It is very nouvelle cuisine. I'm sure that translates to "fuck all". We have steak for mains and we are shown our steaks before it is cooked which was pretty cool. Afterwards we meet Ammo's friend Ray in a cocktail bar called "Employees Only". The mixologists really know what they're doing, sumptuous. A group of drunk local girls insist we join them in a round of Jägers, what's a man to do?! Then the rap scallion of a bar man tried to put it on our tab. The horror.
Friday 22nd Sept 2017
Hmm, I am more hungover than I was planning, cheers Singapore. Getting to the airport for 10am is therefore a bit more of a struggle. A healthy Singaporean breakfast is what's required, pancakes from Starbucks.
Our flight to Bali is fairly non-descript with the exception of flying very low to the water on landing. The runway is virtually in the sea. I was a tad peturbed. Immigration has the biggest line I've ever seen anywhere in the world. It's an actual mile long and when we get to the front, the line is still just as big. It doesn't get much better when we get into the Uber. The traffic and congestion is unbelievable all the way to the hotel in Seminyak. A 10 minute journey takes well over an hour. If you have been to Jakarta then imagine that but on a tropical island, except it just feels like you're in a very congested village. Everything looks the same and the street that goes to our hotel feels like you're trapped in a time loop. The volume of mopeds is insane, they are constantly undertaking, weaving in and out of traffic, pulling out in all directions, riding on the narrow pavement that is only wide enough for 2 pedestrians. Not that a pedestrian's presence would deter them.
After getting settled at our hotel, Ammo and I head out to meet Ammo's friend Vinny and his 20 year old cousin Dillon. They've been staying in Bali since Monday so recommended we come and hang out with them in Canggu. They take us to a couple of cool bars but unfortunately they're stocked to the rafters with obnoxious Aussies. It's what I imagine Magaluf or Ayia Napa would be like if you swap the Aussies for Brits. Ammo and I are still a bit tired but we persevere and then get an extremely terrifying but hilarious taxi ride to a club called La Favela back in Seminyak. We get taken through what Vinny has dubbed "Death Valley". This is a 1 and a half car wide unlit raised track that delves into a very large ditch. The amount of cars and many, many mopeds is madness beyond words. The locals just shrug and say, "This is Bali!". The taxi driver is absolutely hilarious though, he keeps repeating what we're saying, completely mocking our accents. Vinny takes the brunt of it as he has quite a posh London accent. The driver is very confused by my accent and can't work it out. La Favela has quite a decent DJ on and we dance the night away to some decent gangster rap/pop remixes. Eminem's Lose Yourself was a particular favourite.
Saturday 23rd Sept 2017
It is a much more chilled day. We head out to a place called Potatoe Head Beach Club a bit down the coast and relax on bean bags. There's always music playing and it's very peaceful watching the waves. Later we catch the sunset which is beautiful. In the evening we end up on a bit of an adventure down some side streets looking for a sports bar. The lack of lighting and rising water level made this particularly interesting. We watch the Spurs game and then the Man Utd game, it's quite an effort as we're a bit tired from the night before. Ammo decides to try and catch a world famous DJ called Steve Aoki but tickets are sold out unfortunately. Probably a blessing, he was shattered.
Sunday 24th Sept 2017
Crossing the road here is taking your life in your own hands, pedestrian crossings actually mean nothing. The only bonus is it might not just be you that gets mowed down. The badgering is relentless, the streets are jam packed full of workers sat by the road and everyone is constantly talking to you. Whether they are offering you a moped-taxi, a massage, food, drink, drugs, sex, a tour, you are never a few seconds away from, "Hey boss". This must be what it's like to be a celebrity, I can see why they complain.
Now I have navigated the baying masses for breakfast and crossed the road (twice) safely, I can get on with relaxing by the pool. Later I head down to Seminyak beach to lay on a bean bag, get some local chicken satay, a beer and catch the sunset. Unfortunately it is a bit cloudy so isn't quite the same. There is an excellent acoustic guitar band playing all kinds of tracks from Coldplay to Cat Stevens. They even invite some of the crowd up to sing. One very shy looking girl skulks her way to the stage, constantly checking her phone. I'm skeptical about this but she absolutely belts out Katy Perry's Roar, quite comical due to the Indonesian accent but still a sweet moment for her. I later realise she has the lyrics on her phone. I do particularly enjoy the band's rendition of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car and find myself having a bit of a moment. Then the Aussies have to ruin it by requesting the Land Down Under and a couple of drunk girls get up and dance, I wonder where they're from. I decide my food has suitably settled and slope off to sample a Balinese Massage. Overall it is very enjoyable, apart from when she presses really hard on the back of knee. I had to ask her to be a bit lighter at this point! Only cost a fiver for an hour too. I conclude the evening by taking a jaunt to the Nutella Creperie, I don't think God makes food this good.
Monday 25th Sept 2017
Amidst the rumblings in the media about the rumblings of the volcano, I set off for the airport way ahead of time. To my surprise the intense traffic I have experienced the entire time I have been here seems to be non-existent. The airport seems empty too, it's like a volcano isn't about to erupt?! Clearly no danger or ignorance is bliss. I have the pleasure of chatting to guy from LA heading home to Singapore. He's a lawyer and is very interesting. Obviously I'm a delight.
Once Ammo's finished work, I meet him at Art Pizza in Robertson Quay (Downtown). Beaunissimo. We take a little wander around Clarke Quay and have 1 last beer to celebrate my last night.
Tuesday 26th Sept 2017
My last day, a tear rolls down my cheek. I get up early and head off to Universal Studios in Sentosa. This is in the south of Singapore next to the extremely impressive docks. It has to be as they manufacture absolutely nothing and import the rest.
I love Universal, from the Steven Spielberg special effects show to the amazing Transformers ride in 3D, it's awesome. I even go on the transformers ride a second time. The Mummy ride is pretty cool as well as the 4D cinema with a Shrek short. New York and Hollywood are a bit poor but that's only because I've seen the real thing, the New York pizza is extremely tasty though. I take a token look at Madagascar and Jurassic Park but it's really for the children and there's a LOT of them! Not that impacts my day.
