Sun 26th Nov 2017
Touchdown Andrews! Arrive in Buenos Aires at 9am a whopping 20 minutes early after a 14 hour flight, the captain gleefully tells his beleaguered passengers. It was a very bumpy ride over the Atlantic. So much so, I had a lucid dream where I was on holiday and I was living through an earthquake. It was crazy stuff.
Once at the airport, my bag is 1 of the last off, not an anxious wait at all! Now for usual bombardment of illicit cars for hire for the hour's journey from Pistraini to Palermo. After finding a reputable taxi company, i.e. 1 where they didn't have over zealous sales people imploring you to take up their once in a lifetime offer. I settle on Tiende Leon. The rep talks me through the options; £55 for a direct taxi or for £18 an express bus that will get me most of the way. I figure it's an adventure, let's go with the bus. The bus is super comfy, sparsely populated and well air conditioned. Previous subscribers will remember the horror of the "South American 5 seater" so this was a massive upgrade. I take everything in, the views, the sounds, the smells, it's decadent, great to be on the travel hunt again. When the bus stops, I am still quite a way from my hostel. Hmm....what to do. Right let's get a beer and some wifi in a local pub then get an uber, to ensure I don't get ripped off. To my surprise there is another car waiting for me to take me to my final destination with a couple of other travelers. Nice little bonus!
Once at my hostel "Back in BA", my room isn't ready so I have a beer with the guy on reception and talk Argentine politics, the economy, the vast changes since I was last here, the removal of the "blue rate" (Google it), Brexit and of course Manchester Unite or Seeti? The room is very basic and there's 1 toilet and shower for about 10 guys. A decent continental breakfast is included though. Every cloud.....
Rose Bar - Palermo
I go and explore all the old haunts from last time, it's so cool to be back. The weather is sensational, just begging to be sat in with a beer, which I duly oblige. I return to Campobravo, where the boys and I had a bit of a wine marathon last time. There is no repeat on this occasion, it is a Sunday afternoon and very family orientated.
Later in the evening I return to the hostel and on arrival a group of 4 Argentinians from Córdoba demand I join them for some BBQ. I literally have no choice and before you know it I am trying Cow's intestine and gland. I had no clue what it was until later. The intestine was like a very gooey sausage, safe to say that I won't be having that again. However, the gland, like everything was a bit like chicken. They save the best for last, half a bottle of Malbec just for me. After all this socialising, eating and drinking I go for a quick sleep that turns into 11 hours and wake up at 6am. Maybe I needed a bit of rest!
Mon 27th Nov 2017
I didn't want to seem super keen by going down for breakfast when it started at 7am so I waited until 7.25 so a bit of a vibe could develop. Well, it was dead until I left about 9, making full use of the buffet. It was quite a lively hostel so don't think many people made it up before noon.
I did a walking tour of Palermo of about 4 miles, only stopping off for the usual tourist pictures, nutella pancakes and smoothie. It was a bit nippy at 9am on a Monday morning and very quiet. I think the Argentinians have it right, people started to appear around 10.
Around midday, I head to the BA international airport, 1 hour away. This is by no means an easy task but I manage it through a combination of a taxi, coach and Spanglish. To get to La Paz, I have to fly via Santa Cruz (also Bolivia). It is a draining 8 hour journey and by the time I reach the utter madness that is La Paz I am more than beaten. It is an immense city with approximately 2.7 million people living within the valley. All you can see are half-built houses, I later find out these are actually the finished article. The city is an absolute sprawling mess, it's like they have looked at a good way to plan something then done the opposite. Nothing seems to follow any kind of logic, epitomised by the big clock in the main government palace square that is actually backwards. The roads are completely lawless and at 150% capacity, I still don't know whether they drive on the left or right.
I've reached Nirvana, after an hour's white-knuckle taxi ride, my hostel's doors are wide open with a mischievous grin. Maybe I can finally relax. I decide to check out the hostel bar for a couple of beers, say hello to the other travellers and swap some stories. What I find is an 18-30s disgustofest. As I'm alone I sit at the bar right in the middle, next thing I know, 3 Australian girls are doing all manner of sordid forfeits. Part of some drinking game and as the requests get more disgusting, their spirit is not diminished, spurred on if anything. It's a fun show and bar staff seem way more drunk than me, slightly alarming. I get chatting to a couple of Germans who are travelling together and we decide to do the walking tour the next day. Ok that's enough for 1 day, the bar is very entertaining but I decide to get an early night as I'm shattered.
Tues 28th Nov 2017
Breakfast in the hostel is at 9am, quite late but it gives you an idea of the clientele. Walking tour at 11am, it's pissing it down and cold. To my surprise, it isn't cancelled. It is a really good tour, we are shown Plaza Murillo that has a lot of the main government buildings and the backwards clock. The weather picks up and the guide tells us about their history. Seems quite shocking that the 70% indigenous population have no control, it is all controlled by the minority Spanish immigrant population. So tensions are high and there are regular protests as we see armed police lining a great deal of the streets. The rest of the tour includes the main markets, which serve up an avocado and egg sandwich that will knock your socks off and cost about 50 pence. We are next taken to see the witches market and the grand ma-ma herself. There is all manner of weird shit in here with a particular highlight, the dead lama foetuses. Like everything it is supposed to ward off evil spirits.
Next up is the famous San Pedro prison. The is an exceptionally unusual prison. Inmates do not have a cell, they have to pay for it themselves. The only way to do that is work for it, so as a consequence there are shops and restaurants within the prison. Inmates also have their families living with them in the prison too and the children go to the school across the road. What 70% of inmates end up doing is manufacture and sell cocaine. Every night around 3-4am, bags of product are thrown over the prison wall and money is thrown back. Ironically most of the prisoners are in there for drug trafficking offences. How does this happen you may ask. Corruption, pure and simple. The guards and prison wardens are bribed and the president claims he knows nothing about it. There used to be tours done by a British inmate by the name of Thomas McFadden, you could even stay overnight if you wish. Apparently the deal was sweetened as you received a free "sample" on leaving and you could also partake while inside.
As the city is so overcrowded and roads an absolute nightmare, a network of cable cars has been created. They are fantastic for getting around and I take a trip up to the top of the hill with my 2 German friends (Marcel and Janet), the views are spectacular and you can see evidence of the moon valleys despite the mass urbanisation. By the time I return to the hostel, it's about 7pm. Again I'm shattered but make it to the bar with Marcel and Janet, we decide to ride the Death Road the next day. I'd not heard too much about this but it didn't sound great! It's only dangerous for cars basically although some cyclists have died, which gave it that added dash of danger. Oh well, when in Rome. I'll tell my mum after I've done it, at the time of writing I have done and survived with no issues.
Wed 29th Nov 2017
Today we conquer the Death Road. Very exciting. Fairly early start, our guide picks us up from our hostel around 8.15, he is fairly punctual, this is of great surprise as another guy in hostel was still waiting for his to arrive 40 minutes later. South Amercian time. The journey through the mountains to start of the Death Road is breathtaking. The first part of the Death Road is not actually the Death Road, it has normal Tarmac but the road is very windy, steep and sheer drops on 1 side. It's good to get your confidence but I'm the lead rider following the guy, wow does he go quickly! So I didn't want to hold the group up, I did my best to keep up with him, certainly pushed myself beyond my comfort zone. After about 20 kilometres of barely peddling and plenty of photos, we get a taste of the Death Road. A tunnel. This is a no no for cyclists, we are directed to the narrow, rocky track to the right. With that conquered, it is back in the minibus that has been following us down with all our stuff. Now for the real Death Road.
There is quite an intense safety briefing, which shocks me to my very core. Only because we are given a safety briefing, not the content. Here. We. Go! We're off, I'm instantly hooked. The bikes have front and rear suspension so you don't feel any of the rocks and there are A LOT OF THEM. There is all kinds of sheer drops, tight bends, waterfalls, on-coming vehicles, slow moving vehicles, other riders, even dogs. It is quite difficult to take in the awesome scenery and concentrate on the road at the same time, so looking around is a minimum. We stop regularly for silly pictures and refreshments. From wearing ski outfits in the snow at the top, we descend 3km and end up in bikinis by the end. I had a couple of moments when I took a couple of corners a bit too quickly but overall totally in control, totally loved it, totally conquered it! 64km in about 3 hours, not too bad.
Our reward was yet more food, victory beers, ice cream and even a pool to relax by before the 3 hour journey back. In evening, we meet a friend of Marcel and Janet. Mauricio, he is a local so we hoped he would take us for some traditional Bolivian food. He does but not from a place you would expect. The restaurant is called the "Dubliner", yes that's right, he took us to an Irish bar?! The dish was for 2 and basically contained meat and potatoes, good though!
Thurs 30th Nov 2017
The start of another epic day is 4.30am. After not much sleep after drinking with the Germans until after midnight, the 40 minute taxi ride to the airport is a sobering 1. My taxi driver's seat is fully reclined so my apprehension is already heightened before I get in. The airport is at the top of the hill and my hostel is at the bottom. It doesn't help that the taxi is about 100 hundred years old! The roads at some point are vertical, I've no idea if the taxi will even make it let alone get me there in time. The amount of people around at 5am is unreal. I do in fact make it with surprisingly little trouble. A personal highlight is when across the road is 5 lanes of packed traffic, what does my taxi driver do, head straight for it of course. He basically forces people to move out of the way as if he's the police or something. When I arrive at the airport, 1.5 hours prior to departure, the desks aren't even open. Yet somehow, my flight to Uyuni (Salt flat location South Bolivia) sets off 20 minutes early. South American time never fails to amaze me.
When I arrive, my tour guide of the flats said he'll meet me. I literally am in the middle of a desert. With no signal, no wifi (that works) no clue and no Espanol I start to panic a bit. I pull myself together and find some wifi by moving about the shack of an airport terminal. I ring the tour via a what's app call and even though he said 8am and it's now 8.40, he will be there in 5 minutes. A taxi arrives and a woman with little English says "tour", it must be it! I jump in, this place is like being back in Africa, soooooo basic. Of course, I am still very early for my 10.30 tour, which I anticipate will be an 11.30 tour. I walk around the little village and find a tiny market stall that has a couple of chairs and tables outside, where I have a cup of black tea and write my blog to kill time.
I wrote this sat right here
My tour finally starts at 11.15. Tour is advertised as being in English, tour guide doesn't speak a word, only Espanol. For fuck's sake! I was warned about this but it's pot luck. We then go to pick up some Bolivians from their hotel, who take forever to arrive. Blood starting to boil, I've already been awake for nearly 8 hours! It starts and my non-English speaking guide takes us to a train grave yard. He waffles on in Spanish, lets the other 3 out, they respond and start walking off. I asked so what's going on, I ascertain that I need to be back at the car in 5 minutes. He definitely says cinco, I confirm it with him 3 times. Ok so I go off and explore, it feels so touristy! There's about 50 other 4 wheel-drives at this place complete with hoardes of annoying American voices. I take a few pics, there's barely anything to see, 2 minutes would have been enough. So I head back.
I get in the car but the other 3 are nowhere to be seen. After 20 minutes the guide says something about a problem and your friends. I shrug. Then he just drives off! With all their stuff in the car! I'm thinking, shit, this guy is brutal about time-keeping. He then stops back in the village, gets out and talks to, I think, his wife. She gives him some money and we return to where the rest of the group was last seen. I'm pretty sure he's as pissed off as me that the others are late, keeps pointing to his watch. I mean there's nothing here, why take so long! After 45 minutes, they turn up. He says quite a lot in Spanish to them and it ends with them swapping numbers so I'm assuming he's telling them off. A beautiful irony is that the only person that doesn't speak Spanish can understand the simple instruction of when to be back.
Right lets go to the flats! Oh no, we have to look around some market near the flats that all basically sell the same shit. This time we have 40 minutes, again all I need is 2. I then find what passes for a cafe, so I buy a beer! Interstingly, the other couple that got a roasting for being late are well on time. The other girl from Peru is still obliviously looking around the market until he shouts her.
Now to the flats! No, we have to go and pick 2 more people up! The time is around 1.30 now. The 2 guys get in and after the guide waffles on in Spanish to them, 1 of them turns round to me and asks in perfect in English, "did you understand what the fuck he just said?!". Great, some English people! These 2 are British Indians who have been travelling since July. Strangely they'd just stayed in the same hostel as me and did the Death Road the same day. Oh to be an un-original tourist. The tour really picks up after this. We are taken to the middle of the desert (or what seems like it) to some springs. Very cool and the water is surprisingly even colder. Next up is another opportunity for them to try and sell us something. An oasis, complete with restaurant and flags of every country except ours. Again spend way too long here doing nothing. There's only so many pictures of white space you need.
We then go on a really long drive across the desert, this is absolutely beautiful. I really enjoy just drifting off in my own world where all around you is basically white sand that mirrors the sky. We stop in the middle, yes before was the tip of the metaphorical iceberg, for some lunch and some silly pictures. The temperature is now blisteringly hot and the social media queen within the group starts asking me to pose for pictures. I grudgingly agree. It takes an absolute lifetime for these to be done and I can feel myself burning. I'm am 2 seconds away from saying "fuck your pictures, I've had enough!" when she says all done. When I see the end result, all is forgiven, the pictures are magical.
Back in the car and off to the extinct (I hope) volcano. In a bizarre turn of events, the tour guide disappears without warning. We're left in this spot for nearly an hour, there are gale force winds and I am dreadfully exposed to the sun. I think this is where I got badly burnt. On the way back I do get to drive the truck for a little while, which is pretty cool.
There are just a couple more insults left. We head back to near where we started, to watch the sunset. The tour stipulated that wine would be provided to toast the sunset. Of course this doesn't materialise. I try to remonstrate with the guide but he seems to think I can get the wine when we get back to the village. Pretty pointless as that's after the sunset. Next it is a rush against time to get to the airport to get my flight back. I really don't want to try and find some accommodation and stay overnight. Even though we pass the airport on the way back, it is quite difficult to explain to the guide to drop me off here rather than going back to the village and then coming back?! What kind of madness is this! He then tries to get me to pay more money to let me out at the airport. I tell him where to go, jump out and end up running in the dark to the airport terminal. I get my flight with no issues but it does again set off 20 minutes early. So could easily have missed it if it wasn't for me jumping out of the tour early.
There are just a couple more insults left. We head back to near where we started, to watch the sunset. The tour stipulated that wine would be provided to toast the sunset. Of course this doesn't materialise. I try to remonstrate with the guide but he seems to think I can get the wine when we get back to the village. Pretty pointless as that's after the sunset. Next it is a rush against time to get to the airport to get my flight back. I really don't want to try and find some accommodation and stay overnight. Even though we pass the airport on the way back, it is quite difficult to explain to the guide to drop me off here rather than going back to the village and then coming back?! What kind of madness is this! He then tries to get me to pay more money to let me out at the airport. I tell him where to go, jump out and end up running in the dark to the airport terminal. I get my flight with no issues but it does again set off 20 minutes early. So could easily have missed it if it wasn't for me jumping out of the tour early.
Fri 1st Dec 2017
My day doesn't really finish. After getting back to the hostel from the flats at 22.30, I have to leave for the airport at 00.30. When I go to check out, the reception ask to settle the bill for the last 4 nights accommodation in cash. No cards accepted. Crazy. As if I have £100 worth of Bolivian dollars when I'm leaving the country shortly. I argue but to no avail and get driven in a taxi to the nearest cash point. There are 5, the first 3 don't work. The fourth then eats my card but I somehow retrieve it. I try a fifth but still no dice. I end up using my VISA debit card rather than my MasterCard. This works but I didn't really want to use it. This leaves a really sour taste about the hostel.
Back to the airport, another 40 minute wild taxi ride. The first flight of the tour to be delayed is the 1 at 03.20. Only delayed an hour but in my state this is torture. When we eventually set off, I sleep most of the flight. Oddly they serve tea/coffee and food during the flight. You wouldn't eat or drink in the middle of the night.
I've landed in Chile and got my bags, all I need is a taxi. My fairfx card is running low so I top it up with my debit card. Of course this gets rejected as I've just withdrawn money out in Bolivia about 8 hours before (banks block these transactions as suspected fraud). So this leaves me with no cash and no way of withdrawing any either. Cheers previous hostel! Just accept cards! So if I get an uber, that is linked to another credit card so that should be fine. I call an uber, obviously uber is controversial everywhere and in this case not allowed to pick up at Arrivals. The driver asks me to get on the free park and ride bus and meet him at the first stop. Now doing this means I will lose wifi and thus the ability to communicate with him. So I tell him I'm on my way. Getting this bus is no easy feat as again, no one understands a word of English. Eventually I get to where I'm meant to meet him. He's nowhere to be seen so I walk around searching, try and ask someone but again no English. So with no wifi I try to buy some at extortionate rates but it won't let me do that either. I'm physically drained at this point and all I want to do is just get to the hostel. I decided to get back on the next free bus back to the airport, get some wifi and go from there. When I get back online, the uber driver then says he was where I was and is asking for my description. I was the only person around so I've no idea how he missed me. He then asks me if I'll get back on the bus and come back to where I was. What an absolute joker! As if I'm going to do that. I can't even cancel as I will get charged a fee. In the end I bite the bullet and cancel and go to the airport taxi service and pre-pay (double Uber's quote) on another credit card. Just get me to my accommodation!
After all that exhilaration, I chill for most of the day with a book and have a sleep. The hostel is very cute and has a total hippy vibe. I mean apart from breakfast and alcohol, all they serve is salad? SALAD!
Sat 2nd Dec 2017
After a relaxed morning, I book on a walking tour in the afternoon. It is very interesting and I hear all about Chile's love of stray dogs, the military coup with General Pinochet in 1973 and the Chilean's love of avocado and obsession with mayonnaise. This is a country I can really get on board with, not the bombing of the president or stray dog part though! In the evening I go for a wine tasting with some people I met on the walking tour and then a pub crawl around the lively Pio Nono district.
There's beer pong, free shots, pretty good djs (although it's EDM) and a very strange lesbian who seemed to be from Manchester, San Francisco and Santa Monica?! Very weird. Maybe a slight loss in translation.
Sun 3rd Dec 2017
I am pretty hungover after wine and then beer so have a very lazy day. I do make it to the market in the city centre to look for "marte", apparently it is a drink that has a very high caffeine content. I also go for a pisco sour and salmon canepes in the afternoon sun, it's beautiful.
Mon 4th Dec 2017
Travelling day to Buenos Aires. Journey to the airport is largely trouble free. My Uber driver is from Venezuela and he wants to practice his English by chatting all the way there. It's not too bad but the pigeon English gets a bit tiresome after a while. Strangely at the Buenos Aires end, my taxi driver is also from Venezuela and he talks about it being a very difficult time in the country at the moment. So maybe I won't be visiting there just yet.
In the evening I go to my favourite restaurant La Cabrera. They give me an absolute mountain of food and even some strange cheese dish that I didn't order. It's actually quite nice, has a very hard cheese layer on the outside then soft in the middle. I ask for the Malbec Reserve by the glass, it's incredible, although it does come by the half bottle. Suppose I shouldn't complain. I decide upon the Kobe beef cut, this is what heaven tastes like. It's a 6.30am start the next morning so I give Beer Pong a miss in the hostel. I don't think they miss me.
Tues 5th Dec 2017
Travelling day, again, this time to Ushuaia. The South Pole creeps closer. After a very speedy check-in, yet again, it really baffles me that I see on every occasion over the last 9 flights a worked-up later in life couple arguing for an eternity with the airline representative. What could they possibly be talking about. It is very simple, you hand your passport over, they check it, boarding cards are issued, bags are tagged and off you go. There is always some drama with the couple in front of me, could all this be over a window or aisle seat? I guess I'll never know.
I time it perfectly, I have just have enough time for some incredible croissants at BA's domestic airport (Jorge Newberry) and then I'm away. The flight is pretty bumpy, which is perplexing as clouds are nowhere to be seen. Strong southerly winds I assume. We do seem to approach at an odd angle but we are on the ground with no problems. Ushuaia is stunning, like an Alpine ski resort. My host at the hostel says, "Welcome to the End of the World". Here we go, HERE.....WE.....GO! To quote Heath Ledger's Joker.
The hostel is cool, unfortunately I'm sharing with 4 young, noisy Israeli lads. Hebrew certainly isn't the most beautiful language. Sounds like a sinus infection and an aggressive 1 at that. I do a few jobs, the highlight being getting my passport stamped with "Antarctica". Life goal realised! My passport now contains stamps for all 7 continents! This is so exciting. The culmination of months, well actually years of planning. As Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) sings, "What a feeling....ooooo oo".
I hang out with some guys at the hostel in the evening. Kevin (US) and Simona (Holland), who are also getting the boat to Antarctica tomorrow. It is amazing how shy people are. They will happily sit there for hours but as soon as you say a couple of words to people, they never shut up. Obviously I am in stellar company, when it comes to travel, Simona's passport is incredible. Stamps, visas, souvenirs, it's got the lot. And on nearly every page. I dare say, fuller than mine. And for Kevin, he has been traveling for 7 months and this is continent number 7. Pretty cool I must say.
Wed 6th Dec - Sat 16th Dec 2017 - Antarctica
Sun 17th Dec 2017
I sample the free breakfast put on by the hostel, yep worst so far on the trip as I suspected. I chill for an hour before I head to the airport, lucky as this was to be one of THE most excruciating airport experiences of my life.
Upon arrival at the tiny airport of Ushuaia, it is absolute mayhem. It's like a fire sale and the entire population of the most southern city in the world is in attendance. I bump into a couple of fellow Ortelians, have a chat about the best course of action. It looks like just to drop my bag off, I have to get in a queue that is the complete length of the airport, circa 100 metres.
It seems there are 5 flights today and all take off within 2 hours of each other, I love planning like that, honestly! Instead of checking in by flight, you check in by Airline. Thus you have a ton of people checking in for flights that leave after mine. The queue moves at a snail's pace. I feel myself getting more and more frustrated. There's a group a couple of people in front of me and I just knew they would be trouble. Ok so my flight is due to take off in 45 minutes, I've already been in this queue for nearly an hour and I've only moved up a third of the way. As the flight time ticks closer and I'm still not much nearer, I come to the realisation I'm not getting this flight. I take the bold decision to leave my bag in the queue and try and speak to someone in charge. No English of course and seem not to care my flight leaves imminently. I get back to my place in the queue. It is now 20 minutes past when my flight is due to leave, when this family I mentioned finally get to the check in desk.
The 1 woman on the check in desk is saying a lot to them in Spanish and it doesn't sound good. She then walks off! She does this for the next 10 minutes, she seems to be looking for someone to authorise something. My blood is boiling by this point and ready to punch someone. So I shout "what the fuck is going on?!" in the direction of the desk. Of course, no one understands me or even bats an eyelid. I ask the couple in front in a more polite manner, I ascertain these idiots in front have been queuing up for a flight to Parilla that has been cancelled! So instead of sending them to the Customer Service desk, the check in girl is trying organise a hotel for them herself! WTF! She has about 100 people to check in still and she's messing about with that?! Finally they open up another desk, I'm next, it's now 30 minutes after departure. I'm expecting her to say, you've missed it. In seconds the lady gives me my boarding pass and takes my case off me. I ask her if I've missed it, she doesn't understand. I don't hang around, I run, I don't even check to see if my bag has been tagged and taken away. So I have zero confidence my bag will get there. I don't care, I just want to get the hell out of this godforsaken place.
Oh you thought the pain was over, oh no. I'm now in a massive queue at security. I thought I was there! The security at the front says something I don't understand and a few people go to the front and he lets them through. I assume this can only be for people on my flight so I follow and the guy lets me through. Worst security ever. I don't have to take my liquids or electronics out, I set the buzzer off but they just wave me through. No search, no nothing. Crazy. Ok so I'm the only 1 running down the corridor to plane. I made it! Unbelievable. The plane is by no means full and another 50 people get on including that moronic family. Must have decided Buenos Aires was for them rather than a hotel in Ushuaia, who knows. The flight takes off about an hour late, pure incompetence or "South American time"?
Finally get to my hostel, it's awesome, right in the city centre and I have my own room with en suite. And relaxxxxxxxx........
Mon 18th Dec 2017
