Day 1 - Sat 7th Feb - Manchester/Frankfurt
It begins.....
Wahey....
Day 2 - Sun 8th Feb - Rio
Zero sleep on the flight but surprisingly upbeat. Copacabana beach is hit with some vigorous force at 9am. The locals had no idea what to do with 5 mini milks seeking Beer.
Needless to say everyone was intimidated by our samba and football skills.
Danny's Joey Barton impression is still causing no end of amusement. Also coconut milk plus Rum = Very Strong!
Carnival rehearsal evening was cut short somewhat by an outbreak of sunburn debilitating the 4 geniuses in my party. Not before we had a minor altercation with a drunk and abusive local on the Metro. Lobsters took centre stage.
Day 3 - Mon 9th Feb - Rio
Morning swim in the rooftop pool at the hotel with 30 degree heat and Christ the Redeemer watching over us.
Sharing a 'small' mohito on the Copacabana and then went for an incredible Classic Brazilian grill in the evening. The meat was not only sensational but endless. There were no red and green cards that you get in the UK, you just had to keep eating! The salad bar was also exquisite.
Day 4 - Tue 10th Feb - Rio
The day started with a bang, a hefty 30 minute workout in the rooftop gym/sauna. The afternoon saw 3 intrepid explorers that encompassed Dave, Dan and Ben head into the jungle I.e. the centre of Rio. There was a slight mishap when Ben accidentally went into the National Chilean Conference Centre looking for the loo but luckily the men with machine guns saw the funny side.
The Novo Metropolitana Catedral.
Onward across the East of the city, a standoff with riot police, helicopters, amoured vehicles, gun shots and protesters was delicately negotiated to reach the National Library and the Natural History Museum. Stunning city centre that had echoes of New York but with a kind of clammy heat that words can never do justice to.
Day 5 - Wed 11th Feb - Rio/Lima/Cusco
The day or should I say, previous night begins with a 4am taxi ride across Rio to the airport. 4 passengers for 3 seats, red lights taking on a completely new meaning, a new way of selecting lanes and borderline psychotic breaking distances are just some of the terms to describe the white-knuckle ride.
It doesn't get much better at the airport either. Our connecting flight to Cusco from Lima has been double booked and the next available flight is not for another 5 hours. Instead of this getting the better of the less than perky group at 6am, a plan was hatched to take a little trip into Lima.
So the group kill a bit of time in the historic Lima city centre. Beers are enjoyed in the main square to the sound of a major government protest with hundreds of people taking part. Well no one likes it dull do they.....
Cusco, wow what a place. It felt like being back in Africa, very third world. However, it had that innocent charm and feeling of inhabitants genuinely happy with their existence despite the extreme poverty and row upon row of delapidated shacks. Our host at the Backpackers hostel was an absolute fire-cracker and never shut up (in Spanish) despite having no clue what she was talking about.
Day 6 - Thu 12th Feb - Cusco/Machu Picchu
Another early start. This time taxis were at 5am. The initial route to Machu Picchu is via coach to a temporary train station in Pachar. We then embark onto the Vistadome (quaint little train) along the Urubamba river taking in the incredible views on the way to Aguas Callientes (village next to Machu Picchu).
Once in Aguas Callientes, the trek to Machu Picchu begins to somewhat heated debate and consternation. In the end it was decided to hike the 1.7km up to the entrance of Machu Picchu rather than take the 20 minute bus. The intense heat and rain pushed the group to the limit but Danny with his insatiable enthusiasm and lack of awareness drove the group on. Within 90 minutes, we had conquered and reached the start....
Now our journey of enlightenment and discovery could begin. After a relatively short walk we reached the citadel of Machu Picchu, the great and spectacular wonder of the world. However, with heavy cloud in abundance, nothing could be seen.
We decided to explore the 'Sun Gate', we assumed this would be a bit of a hike but it turned into an 80 minute trek that divided the group. In what can only be described as the biggest anti-climax in human history, we reached the top only to be hugely disappointed with what we found. More clouds and a completely unremarkable structure.
You can feel the devastation. So we trudged back down the thousands of steps with a feeling of solace only football fanatics will understand. Until......
.....out of the clouds, rose up like a young Christ the Redeemer, a glimpse of the citadel peaked into view. The sun was out! Rapturous applause and a raucous group descended onto the viewing zone like a group of young school girls heading to a 1 Direction concert. We had appeased the sun gods with our monumental climbs and they repaid us in spades.
In the evening, we pottered into Cusco to sample the local delicacies, Guinea Pig and Alpaca. The more adventurous (Kyran and Dan) did not enjoy what they found at the Andean Grill. Truly awful!
Day 7 - Fri 13th Feb - Cusco/Lima/Buenos Aires
Yet ANOTHER early start, this time the alarm was set for 5.30am. On this occasion we make our connecting flight in Lima. Thank you Avianca! Idiota.
The haggling with foreign taxi drivers continues where we left off. Now in Buenos Aires we book the 'South American 5 seater' I.e. room for only 4 passengers.
The evening begins with one of the most incredible meals we've ever had. The steak and red wine is absolutely sublime. The restaurant is called La Cabrera situated in the middle class metropolis of Palermo.
After dinner and getting an awesome blue rate on the dollar, Danny begins to chat up men in the street. In the end, this turns out to be a touch of genius. The young Argentine gentleman not only pays for us to get into the most exclusive club in Palermo but buys some drinks. The club is like an alternate universe with no chavs, the decor is stunning, there is no queue at the bar, the patrons are polite, the security are invisible, the drinks are cheap, this is the best club in the world! At 6am the night is called, gracias y buenas noches Buenos Aires. Although the bar by our apartment was just getting going with some slamming base lines.
Day 8 - Sat 14th Feb - Buenos Aires
After a 6am finish, I finally get a lie in albeit only until 11am. After making some 'dollar bill' videos (don't ask) we head out to the laundrette only to find it temporarily closed. So we did what any self-respecting young men would do on a beautiful sunny Saturday in BA, went for lunch (and a few sherbets of course). The restaurant was called Cambo Bravo and it was excellent. We later return to the laundrette only to find it closed. Here is a link to Dan's trailer of our epic journey and what happened in light of recent developments.
We stumble upon a parade near the apartment and suddenly I'm in the centre of it, being dressed up, the paparazzi are there, it all kicks off!
We somehow find a craft beer bar that has a feeling of American authenticity, it was fantastic.
Day 9 - Sun 15th Feb - Buenos Aires
Today there are more culinary delights for us to sample in Palermo, Mexican! The quesadillas and enchorizarders were awesome. However, their attempt at making a Margarita left a little to be desired.
The next trip involved a 1 hour bus journey to Boca. We couldn't understand what the bus driver was saying and he lost patience with us and let us get on for free. Then the awkwardness began. The plan was to attend a Boca Juniors match. On the bus, some young Boca fans had quite a few comments when they found out we were English. Not all of them good. The Falklands was mentioned, eek! The approach to the stadium was somewhat dicey. We stuck out a mile and all eyes were on us. It was so intense we decided to skip the game and head home. It was a crazy experience, possibly a tad dangerous but overall very good. The intensity didn't end there when a veteran of the Falklands war got on and started preaching to the bus. Luckily he didn't realise we were English as the situation could have escalated. Unfortunately we couldn't get any pictures today.
Day 10 - Mon 16th Feb - Buenos Aires
Head into Retiro, which is the centre of BA to have a look at the sights. Quite an impressive city with really wide roads not too dissimilar to Tokyo. Visit the mausoleum in Recoleta, which is incredible. Tonnes of enormous creepy crypts.
In the evening, we head out to San Telmo to see a tango and go to a highly recommended restaurant called San Juan. Unfortunately we head out too late and the restaurant is shut. We scrabble around for something to eat but it's not up to scratch. Bit of disaster of an evening. Did at least catch a bit of the tango in Dorrego Square.
Day 11 - Tue 17th Feb - Buenos Aires
Breakfast/lunch at our favourite cafe in Palermo, very boozy.......for some. Followed by an after hours swim (Mavi won't be happy!) before another sensational meal at La Cabrera, absolutely outstanding Kobe beef and Malbec wine. It really was 'the best'.
Day 12 - Wed 18th Feb - Buenos Aires/Iguazu Falls
After another delightful visit from Mavi (AirBnB host) where she got a little excited about our nocturnal activities by the pool, we finally left 1531 Humboldt. We headed to find sustenance with our cases, on foot. Unfortunately, after 5 days of glorious unbroken sunshine, a tropical monsoon swept us up and spat us out. Thanks for the memories BA, muy hermoso.
Into the jungle......we land on a minute concrete strip amongst the rain forests, incredible! We head to our hostel, which is an oasis with 241 beers and free wifi, it's the dream.
Day 13 - Thu 19th Feb - Iguazu Falls
As is the theme for this adventure, we can't start an expedition without a very early start. The free breakfast is as you would expect, basic and barely edible. The customary hurricane arrives on our search for a telebanco (cash point). When we finally arrive, the bank is in the midst of a Northern Rock style meltdown with armed police supervising withdrawals. No Pesos for Gringos! After an immense struggle through the roads that have now become rivers, we give up on the bus and get the South American 5-seater. I had the pleasure of sitting in the boot.
Iguazu Falls: Incredible, absolutely incredible. Our first sojourn is by runaway mine train up to the Garganta Del Diablo (Devil's Throat). It is a thrilling ride with twists and turns and the occasional floor beast (coati) thrown in for good measure.
There are a further 20 thousand waterfalls on our journey, each one unique and beautiful. The evening draws to a close with extremely strong Caipirinhas by the pool, it is a bit too much for some people. Others stay up and build diplomatic relations with Chile, a few lessons are learnt, mainly along the lines of prejudice and discrimination. Standard.
Here is a sneak peek of our 'Escape from Iguazu'.
Day 14 - Fri 20th Feb - Iguazu Falls/Curritiba/Sao Paulo/Rio
Standard early start and added bonus of having to cross the border from Argentina into Brazil to get our flight to Rio via Curritiba and São Paulo. Arrive in Rio to some absolutely scorching heat, melting! The host of our AirBnB apartment for the week is yet another zany singleton that spoke like Grew from Despicable Me. As is the case with these kind of people, they waffle on far too long when all everyone wants to do is get down to their pants/speedos (other swimsuits are available) and chill out on the balcony.
Sustenance again rears it's head and we have to go out to feed Ben. Luckily we find the same Bem Brazil type place that we found in Copacabana. Unfortunately, the second album is always a tricky one and failed to adequately live up to expectations. At the end of the meal, there was even a suggestion from the hostess that we do the dishes since we'd only tipped her 8%. The cheek!
Day 15 - Sat 21st Feb - Rio
Find an ex-pat type bar called Lord Cole's to watch all the Premier League footy. It was great, we were the only ones in there and we even got a Full English. Homemade passion fruit vodka smoothies became the order of the day, which were excellent.
In the evening, some of the party went out chasing wild geese. It was an inevitable fruitless journey. Found a 'bloco' (street party) by the beach, where some partied until the police arrived. It was a bit sketchy so we didn't stay long.
Day 16 - Sun 22nd Feb - Rio
Hot tub time-machine.....minus the time-machine plus 5 lads in a penthouse apartment in Rio with alcohol, yes again it's the dream. Head out to a mid-afternoon bloco. Unfortunately, it's a gay bloco on the beach so we make a swift exit.
Tonight we feast on Mexican food, it was excellent. Really enjoyed the Nachos, guac (of course) and the chicken burritos. Couple of drinks on Ipanema beach and then it's an early night in prep for our tour of Rio tomorrow!
Day 17 - Mon 23rd Feb - Rio
City tour! A co-worker of mine has put me in touch with his brother Kiko, who lives in Rio. He in turn kindly put me in touch with his soon to be mother-in-law, Angela. She took us on a very special tour of Rio with her driver Tedesco. They picked us up at 9am and escorted us to Corcovado in a seven seater car, yes they do exist! This was via the lagoon and botanical gardens at Lagoa. Beautiful area.
Once up at the top of Corcovado, the structure of Christ is really quite stunning but the view over Rio even more so.
Our tour continues through the barrio of Santa Teresa, again a very beautiful area surrounded by 'favelas'. Next stop is the historic old town, which was largely reclaimed land, that included a cathedral, the first bank and the first palace used by the Portuguese Royal family in 1503.
We even have time to visit a real life favela. It's a bit dodge but our fantastic tour guide pulls some strings and we can enter (and exit) the 'ghetto'.
Day 18 - Tue 24th Feb - Rio
Quiet morning followed by a stroll into Rio to sample Kiko's wedding venue. The steak was fantastic. We then stumble on a freshers' party at a local bar, they were showing the Champions' League so we HAD to stay for a couple, HAD to.
The big meal and the beers finished us off so a quick saunter on the beach in the night sky for ice cream and photography concluded proceedings.
Day 19 - Wed 25th Feb - Rio
Very relaxing day, went to Ipanema beach for fun and frolics in the sea. On the way back to the apartment we bump into a couple of Australians. Cool guys so the ever exuberant Danny invites them in and generously offers them everyone else's drinks.
Later Dan and I go to Astor on the beach front to meet Bernardo's brother, Kiko.
The drinks never stop arriving and by the end, everyone is somewhat tipsy. Great plan since we're all up at 7am for hang gliding. Fantastic evening, all in all.
Day 20 - Thu 26th Feb - Rio
Hang gliding! Crazy trip through morning rush hour, even got to see another favela on the way to jumping off a cliff at Sao Conrado. The ride up to the top of the mountain in a jeep was wild enough. After a 'thorough' lesson that involved practicing running?! We were in the air!
Incredible experience, not the same adrenalin rush as the bungee jump but spectacular nonetheless.
Bit of relaxation and reflection in the afternoon followed by another visit to Astor in the evening.
Day 21 - Fri 27th Feb - Rio
Final morning. Finding breakfast is a must, eventually stumble across a juice bar that also serves scrambled eggs and crepes. Winner winner.....
Despite being served by Miss Surly Waitress 2014 and her speaking no English, we somehow get our order across. Except for Ben who seems to get strawberries on his crepe instead of ice cream, the horror.
Danny and I head off to the spiritual home of football, Maracana, whereas the rest of the girls head back to clean the flat.
Beautiful stadium on the inside, outside and the surroundings leave a bit to be desired. Incredibly impressed with the rest though, stunning.
In the evening, the weary, scarred, intrepid explorers make their way to Galeao airport for the final 2 flights of their epic adventure. Thank you South America, you've been wonderful.
