Singapore, the F1 Grand Prix and Bali Sept 2017

Tuesday 12th Sept 2017

A380, you were your wonderful, beautiful self. Even showed Man. United in the Champions League live. Tried the new Star Wars film, lasted 20 minutes. Then tried the new Tom Hanks tech-drama, the Circle. If you like formulaic twaddle that breaks no ground then this is for you.

Quick stop in Dubai, few beers before the second 7 hour flight of the day. As usual the flight was only half full and I had 4 seats to myself. Managed to get a kind of half sleep for most of it and in a flash we're on the ground.

Wednesday 13th Sept 2017
I meet Ammo at his work and we go back to his flat to decant excess clothes and reading material. I'm pretty shattered now but we go and sample a few of the bars in the centre. 

Everywhere is buzzing with the sound of petrol heads from Oz, the UK and the US. We even get a glimpse of the track, some roads were already cordoned off.

Thursday 14th Sept 2017
Jet-lag is a killer and I don't rise until 2pm, Ammo has already missed half a day at work, oops. Matt has arrived albeit a day late, his flight was double booked. So I get myself together and call an uber. The first guy cancels on me, apparently a well-known apartment block is too difficult to find. The second does turn up and he is a legend telling me all sorts of facts about how Singapore is only 277 square miles in size. Next stop, the dream, the iconic Marina Bay Sands. Matt finds me in the lobby and shows us to our amazing room. Now for the fun to begin....

The exclusive Skypark on the 57th floor, so exclusive you have to change lifts at the 34th. The vistas are truly stunning. Don't take my word for it, just look!

After a couple beers that are £10 a pop we take a look at the famous infinity pool. It does not disappoint. Later in the evening we meet Ammo at the Bull and Bear in the Downtown area.



Matt and I get introduced to a couple of ex-pats that live out there. Everyone seems to stay for much longer than they planned. It does seem a wonderful place so you can imagine why. Some of these guys are "proper cockney wide-boys" to give them their colloquial term, and waste no time in telling me how they "blagged/lied" their way onto the top habitable floor (54th) of Marina Bay Sands. We were on the 4th. Their abode also had a cinema room. Ours had a separate room for the toilet. More very expensive drinks ensue and a drunken evening is complete with a trip to the casino. Matt goes big on roulette and comes out over 200 dollars up, very enjoyable evening. I of course gamble nothing. Jet-lag is still at play and we don't get to bed until 7am?!

Friday 15th Sept 2017

After our "massive" win and very late night, it is difficult to pull ourselves together before the early afternoon. Today is race day though. Today we will get our first glimpse of an F1 car in full flow. It is the first of 2 pre-race practices and I could not be more excited. First task is to collect the tickets, no easy feat as we have to navigate the labyrinth of shops within Raffles. The Singaporeans fucking love to shop! Simply insane amount of designer wear.  All tickets secured, a relief I must say as it was all on me. Now we enter the paddock...

We wander all over the circuit taking the cars in from every angle we can get. Have a look at our race seats, which are opposite the pit lane. Amazing, amazing day. The cars really are something else when you see them up close. The noise is so aggressive and the colours in equal measure are so vivid. The speed they generate is phenomenal. We get to see my man Lewis and his car looks just that little bit meaner, like a great white shark stalking the pit lane. 

After all that exhilaration, what could we possibly do next but attend an exclusive networking event at a rooftop bar in the heart of the CBD. The party is hosted by Matt's dad who is also out there for the race. We get introduced to a few corporate types and the drinks are FREE! 3 Espresso Martinis please, followed by plenty more. I sample my first Singapore sling, it's quite aromatic and very fruity. Also, picked up some handy tips for my property business. 

This is where the night gets interesting. Ammo had heard about our big win on roulette the previous night and wants to get involved. What follows is a streak I have never seen in my life. At 1 point Ammo is betting $500 chips and winning. He walks to the cashier at the end of the night $2500 up! There was a bit of bravado with the croupiers which didn't go down too well but hey, this was our night. Simply incredible. I think we successfully, as George Clooney says in Ocean's 11, "took the house". 

Saturday 16th Sept 2017
Qualifying day! After the Mercedes boys put in a decent showing in the practice, I was quietly confident we wouldn't be too far off the pace. This time we visit the Padang part of the circuit, which has live acts on. It is basically a full on festival it's that big. We sample a bit of Ariana Grande, it is very poor. Paint by numbers, bland pop, which the kids love. We head over to the pit lane to take our seats for qualifying. Lewis is in the mix in Q1 and Q2, registering the third best time, ahead of Vettel. We could be on here. Unfortunately in Q3, Vettel pulls out a stellar lap and gets pole with Lewis in 5th. Not the worst but a disappointing, if not expected result. Lewis is quoted as saying he will need a "miracle" tomorrow. We drown our sorrows by heading back to Padang where the Chainsmokers are playing. They're pretty good, throw in a few old school covers as they don't have the back catalogue to last the full 90 minutes. Entertaining nevertheless. We even get on the track, lovely added bonus.

Sunday 17th Sept 2017

Still not quite on Singapore time but this isn't any morning, THIS IS RACE DAY! Ammo books us into the no.1 restaurant in Asia, called the Manhattan at the Regency Hotel. This was an unbelievable experience. It was a 4 hour boozy brunch including unlimited champagne and food. The food is exquisite, it begins with a Caesar Salad that comes in a jar and you have to shake it up before you begin. Then a poached egg with asparagus and bacon. Next is the buffet, there are 4 stations to indulge yourself in; a Delicatessen Counter, a Seafood Counter, a cutting board with fillet steak and a cheese board. This all before the main course of "Fish and Chips" and Smoked Foie Gras. During this time, the servers are unbelievably attentive and I am never without at least 3 drinks, usually consisting of Champagne, a Bees Knees cocktail (Gin, Lemon, Honey) and another Bees Knees. The Bees Knees cocktail was something to behold, heaven in a glass. You won't believe this but there was even desserts, all equally incredible. My favourite was the white chocolate and peanut butter log, delightful. Our bottle of Champagne even had its own table, that's just how we roll. Ok so this was extravagant but not that expensive considering it was Singapore, we made sure we got our money's worth. 

We stop by at Ce La Vi, yes that's how they spell it. Ce La Vi is the exclusive bar on the top of the Marina Bay Sands. The boys go big and order a bottle of Whiskey, I do not partake as I'm not a big fan of Whiskey so it would be completely wasted on me. 

Lights out (start of the race) is rapidly approaching, we scurry across the bay to our grandstand seats on the actual start/finish line. Ammo gets the beers in while I prepare myself. The track is busier than the grandstand, you can barely see the cars. I manage to spy David Coulthard and Mark Webber doing their interviews for channel 4, which was pretty cool. 

Ammo arrives just in time for the formation lap and then a miracle happens. It starts to rain. This is a game changer and everybody knows it. Lewis is supreme in the wet so confidence starts to build. IT'S LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO. All I can see is that it's generally a smooth getaway, then I hear a combination of gasps, shrieks and cheers. I look down the straight and I see a Ferrari and a Redbull in the wall. I quickly glance up at the screen and see Vettel going backwards and Lewis in P1. Then it all goes black. When I come around, I'm on my feet and hugging Matt screaming like crazy, "Come on Lewis, come on Lewis!". A few people sarcastically ask if we're Lewis Hamilton fans. The cheering goes on until Lewis comes round for the first lap. I'm absolutely elated. Now I can really enjoy the race. The race pretty much goes perfectly, both Ferraris out, Lewis at the front controlling the pace. Apart from a couple of safety cars, it's all under control. I didn't even dream the result could be this perfect. When the chequered flag comes out and Lewis crosses the line to an explosion of synchronised pyrotechnics, it's party time. We celebrate like it's 1999 (treble). We head onto the track for the winners presentations. Eddie Jordan is conducting the interviews and it's amazing to see Lewis and Danny Ric up close. Copious amounts of pictures later and some lighthearted banter with the Ferrari fans, it's time to head back to the hotel and Ce La Vi in particular. Few more drinks and some dad dancing later, we pour ourselves into bed. Ammo sleeps on a chair then gets up and goes to work at 7am, the man is a machine. 

Monday 18th Sept 2017

Matt's last day at MBS (Marina Bay Sands) is greeted by a tropical storm. We plan to go to the Sky Garden but the weather is so bad, we can't even leave the hotel. It eventually clears up by the evening and Matt gets his wish to go up to the viewing platforms. The light show is set to the music of Chicago, Les Miserables et al. It's rather beautiful. 

Tuesday 19th Sept 2017

Matt left at the ungodly hour of 5.30am, at least he gets his flight this time. I check into my new hotel, the Grand Park City Hall. All I want now is some peace and quiet and to relax by the pool. Slight issue, the hotel is undergoing some renovations so there is incessant drilling from 9am until 7pm and the pool is shut. It leaves me with no choice but to check out. Shame really as the room was lovely. I check into the hotel across the road called the Peninsula Excelsior, it's not quite as ornate and regal but the pool is open and there's no drilling. I spend the evening exploring the local areas of Boat and Clarke Quay. They're both very lively for a Tuesday. 

Wednesday 20th Sept 2017

I spend most the day relaxing by the pool and reading my book. The weather is rather inclement however, so unfortunately I spend large portions under an umbrella. In the evening I head out to meet Ammo at yet another rooftop bar, level 33. 

If anything the views are better than at MBS. We then hit a bar called Liu Liu's, really swanky and the girls seem to drink for free so it's packed. We order Champagne as it seems like the right thing to do, now we're "ballers". Later we head to the club next door called Bang Bang, plenty of chart RnB and vodka. At least this time we get a free drink with entry, this never materialises but I'm done anyway. Ammo manages to lose his bag but also recovers it the next day, winning!

Thursday 21st Sept 2017

Another day, another change of location. This time I'm moving back to Ammo's place. I dine at Clinton's New York Bakery where they serve me up a mountain of pancakes for lunch. I can't get anywhere near finishing them. Once I've met Ammo at work and picked up his key, I can head back to his for more time by the pool. It's stunning, bit cold on entry but you soon get used to it. I still can't get my head around just leaving all my valuables unattended so I keep a close eye on them at all times. It's fine, I don't think there's been a theft since the great pencil sharpener robbery of 1987. Halcyon days. 

Apparently we have to eat again later. Ammo takes me to a place called Burnt Ends, it is fantastic. We share taramasalata, egg plant and some Jamaican Chicken. It is very nouvelle cuisine. I'm sure that translates to "fuck all". We have steak for mains and we are shown our steaks before it is cooked which was pretty cool. Afterwards we meet Ammo's friend Ray in a cocktail bar called "Employees Only". The mixologists really know what they're doing, sumptuous. A group of drunk local girls insist we join them in a round of Jägers, what's a man to do?! Then the rap scallion of a bar man tried to put it on our tab. The horror. 

Friday 22nd Sept 2017

Hmm, I am more hungover than I was planning, cheers Singapore. Getting to the airport for 10am is therefore a bit more of a struggle. A healthy Singaporean breakfast is what's required, pancakes from Starbucks. 

Our flight to Bali is fairly non-descript with the exception of flying very low to the water on landing. The runway is virtually in the sea. I was a tad peturbed. Immigration has the biggest line I've ever seen anywhere in the world. It's an actual mile long and when we get to the front, the line is still just as big. It doesn't get much better when we get into the Uber. The traffic and congestion is unbelievable all the way to the hotel in Seminyak. A 10 minute journey takes well over an hour. If you have been to Jakarta then imagine that but on a tropical island, except it just feels like you're in a very congested village. Everything looks the same and the street that goes to our hotel feels like you're trapped in a time loop.  The volume of mopeds is insane, they are constantly undertaking, weaving in and out of traffic, pulling out in all directions, riding on the narrow pavement that is only wide enough for 2 pedestrians. Not that a pedestrian's presence would deter them. 

After getting settled at our hotel, Ammo and I head out to meet Ammo's friend Vinny and his 20 year old cousin Dillon. They've been staying in Bali since Monday so recommended we come and hang out with them in Canggu. They take us to a couple of cool bars but unfortunately they're stocked to the rafters with obnoxious Aussies. It's what I imagine Magaluf or Ayia Napa would be like if you swap the Aussies for Brits. Ammo and I are still a bit tired but we persevere and then get an extremely terrifying but hilarious taxi ride to a club called La Favela back in Seminyak. We get taken through what Vinny has dubbed "Death Valley". This is a 1 and a half car wide unlit raised track that delves into a very large ditch. The amount of cars and many, many mopeds is madness beyond words. The locals just shrug and say, "This is Bali!". The taxi driver is absolutely hilarious though, he keeps repeating what we're saying, completely mocking our accents. Vinny takes the brunt of it as he has quite a posh London accent.  The driver is very confused by my accent and can't work it out. La Favela has quite a decent DJ on and we dance the night away to some decent gangster rap/pop remixes. Eminem's Lose Yourself was a particular favourite. 

Saturday 23rd Sept 2017

It is a much more chilled day. We head out to a place called Potatoe Head Beach Club a bit down the coast and relax on bean bags. There's always music playing and it's very peaceful watching the waves. Later we catch the sunset which is beautiful. In the evening we end up on a bit of an adventure down some side streets looking for a sports bar. The lack of lighting and rising water level made this particularly interesting. We watch the Spurs game and then the Man Utd game, it's quite an effort as we're a bit tired from the night before. Ammo decides to try and catch a world famous DJ called Steve Aoki but tickets are sold out unfortunately. Probably a blessing, he was shattered.

Sunday 24th Sept 2017

Crossing the road here is taking your life in your own hands, pedestrian crossings actually mean nothing. The only bonus is it might not just be you that gets mowed down. The badgering is relentless, the streets are jam packed full of workers sat by the road and everyone is constantly talking to you. Whether they are offering you a moped-taxi, a massage, food, drink, drugs, sex, a tour, you are never a few seconds away from, "Hey boss". This must be what it's like to be a celebrity, I can see why they complain. 

Now I have navigated the baying masses for breakfast and crossed the road (twice) safely, I can get on with relaxing by the pool. Later I head down to Seminyak beach to lay on a bean bag, get some local chicken satay, a beer and catch the sunset. Unfortunately it is a bit cloudy so isn't quite the same. There is an excellent acoustic guitar band playing all kinds of tracks from Coldplay to Cat Stevens. They even invite some of the crowd up to sing. One very shy looking girl skulks her way to the stage, constantly checking her phone. I'm skeptical about this but she absolutely belts out Katy Perry's Roar, quite comical due to the Indonesian accent but still a sweet moment for her. I later realise she has the lyrics on her phone. I do particularly enjoy the band's rendition of Tracy Chapman's Fast Car and find myself having a bit of a moment. Then the Aussies have to ruin it by requesting the Land Down Under and a couple of drunk girls get up and dance, I wonder where they're from. I decide my food has suitably settled and slope off to sample a Balinese Massage. Overall it is very enjoyable, apart from when she presses really hard on the back of knee. I had to ask her to be a bit lighter at this point! Only cost a fiver for an hour too. I conclude the evening by taking a jaunt to the Nutella Creperie, I don't think God makes food this good. 

Monday 25th Sept 2017

Amidst the rumblings in the media about the rumblings of the volcano, I set off for the airport way ahead of time. To my surprise the intense traffic I have experienced the entire time I have been here seems to be non-existent. The airport seems empty too, it's like a volcano isn't about to erupt?! Clearly no danger or ignorance is bliss. I have the pleasure of chatting to guy from LA heading home to Singapore. He's a lawyer and is very interesting. Obviously I'm a delight. 

Once Ammo's finished work, I meet him at Art Pizza in Robertson Quay (Downtown). Beaunissimo. We take a little wander around Clarke Quay and have 1 last beer to celebrate my last night.

Tuesday 26th Sept 2017

My last day, a tear rolls down my cheek. I get up early and head off to Universal Studios in Sentosa. This is in the south of Singapore next to the extremely impressive docks. It has to be as they manufacture absolutely nothing and import the rest. 

I love Universal, from the Steven Spielberg special effects show to the amazing Transformers ride in 3D, it's awesome. I even go on the transformers ride a second time. The Mummy ride is pretty cool as well as the 4D cinema with a Shrek short. New York and Hollywood are a bit poor but that's only because I've seen the real thing, the New York pizza is extremely tasty though. I take a token look at Madagascar and Jurassic Park but it's really for the children and there's a LOT of them! Not that impacts my day. 

 

The South Pacific Odyssey - Apr16

The Friday 22nd April 2016

Champagne Sir? 

Starting the holiday the RIGHT way, with hours to kill due to our super efficient check-in girl, a bottle seemed the right thing to do. As we wait to board the A380, we get accosted by 3 guys wanting to talk tattoos with Dan. They seem extremely camp and then drop the bombshell about having girlfriends, sure boys sure. 

The A380 is incredible, best plane I've ever been on. Incomprehensibly big and beautifully luxurious.

We decide to watch the new Star Wars film, it's ok. Then fall asleep, the engines are so quiet. 

Sat 23rd April 2016

All of a sudden we're in Dubai and its morning, bit weird being served breakfast at 4am. Dubai airport is enormous and it takes about 30 minutes just to get to our gate. We're feeling groggy and a bit dazed so it's time for another flight, film and a sleep. This time we watch the Big Short, brilliant if a little business jargon heavy. We're now in Bangkok, waiting to start the third and final leg of our journey. 8 hours to Sydney, next up is Steve Jobs. Excellent film but doesn't paint him in the best light. More broken sleep and we're landing in Sydney and it's now Sunday?!

Sunday 24th April 2016

9am hostel arrival, we really need some sleep but unfortunately the room isn't ready so we head out for breky. End up at the Rocks. 

Cue tourist snaps. Amazing to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge and Opera House in situ. We stumble across a German Beer House and 1 stein quickly becomes 2! In the evening we go off in search for a traditional Australian eating establishment, the Lord Nelson. Turns out it is not too dissimilar to the UK, no surprise there but it is a great little place with awesome steak. After accosting the couple next to us, they very kindly direct us to Cockle Bay and Cargo bar for some music. It's pretty cool but we're only just managing to stay awake having not slept for 3 days now. We arrive back at the hostel and there's a club in the basement?! This has to be explored, a third wind comes from nowhere and now jäger bombs are being downed with the bar staff, great night. CRASH!

Monday 25th April 2016

An extremely long sleep ensues and I think I'm going to have to admit defeat. I am officially jet-lagged! Ending up sleeping until 2pm. Still feeling terrible we head to Darling Harbour, aptly named, she's stunning. Have a bit of fun with the road signs. 

Watch out!

Happy hour seems to be available everywhere so we partake, it seems to be the Aussie way. Who were we to argue. Next we head up the Westfield Tower, the views are amazing. 

After a heavy few days, we stumble back home barely conscious find some sustenance and get an early night. This holidaying lark is hard work. 

Tues 26th April 2016

Right then campers, finally back on a decent rhythm. The day starts with a cracking full Aussie breky at the hostel with the usual 'London' prices. £10 for a breky in budget accommodation?! WTF! Time for a jaunt to Sydney harbour to get a ferry to the very Manly beach. 

I think we need to get a bigger boat....the ferry really gets some speed up and we're docking in 10 minutes. The breeze is somewhat Baltic but we persevere. We are from Manchester afterall!

Manly beach is great, largely untouched by commercialisation and barely a sunbed in sight. There's natural shade from the stunning oak trees that line the promenade. This allows people to move around the beach as people chase the sun rather just bake in 1 place. Back to the hostel for takeaway pizzas and meet some fellow travelers from Israel, Germany and Holland. These people really know how to budget. 

Wed 27th April 2016

Ok so this is my second attempt at writing yesterday's events after blogger failing to save my latest round of hilarious musings. 

Right, after a decent night's sleep.....finally, we make it up and out for breky at 9.30am. Off to the independent, organic, Colombian coffee shop I hear you shout? Yep that's where we're heading for the cheapest meal we've had. $10.50 for eggs benedict with bacon and sausage on a muffin, you can't go wrong. Soon after we're enjoying a free barista style coffee outside our hostel in the sunshine feeling rather hipster. We meet the hostel rep at 11 to go on a walk from Coogee beach to Bondi taking in all the sights in between. 

There's about 70 of us on this trek and the group is incredibly diverse with as many nationalities as there are people. We're towards the back looking cool, yeah we stick out a mile. 

During the day there's a few competitions. Here's me winning a free drink in the handstand competition, third left. 

(Everyone who entered won a free drink) Bondi is spectacular, wish we could have stayed for longer or been there around New Years as the parties sound insane. 

(Not Bondi)

We do sample a cool bar called the Bucket List with chilled out House vibes, very Ibiza. Next up is a race against time to get back for the free wine and cheese at 7. There's a hub of activity in the self-catering kitchens infused with alcohol and various people from our crew that we met that day popping in and out. Then all hell breaks loose in the hostel bar in the basement, free drinks for half an hour at 9. Next thing I know they've run out of wine glasses and I'm given free Champagne and I'm on the dance floor jumping along to the Vengaboys. If this wasn't your dream already, I know it is now. What. A. Night.  

Thur 28th April 2016

A few hours bad sleep later and the 5.30am alarm clock is going off. Time to use the communal showers and get the airport shuttle. Red Rooster breky, kind of like a McDonald's in the departure lounge. Quick flight to Melbs, only an hour of which we slept through most of it. It's raining?! WTF! This only happens in Manchester? Doesn't it? Time to catch up on a few hours sleep until the kids get home. 

(Bar named after our good friend Danny Murphy)

We're brought to a takeaway which is not all it seems, we go through a freezer door and into the back. Where a tropical oasis of zombie cocktails awaits, this is Jungle Boy. The speakeasys of New York have arrived. Off to White Oaks Saloon, described as a little Southern and a little Western, for pork sliders, southern fried chicken with Tabasco Mayo, shrimp tacos and margheritas. It's increds. Finish off the night with more beers at Andy and Laura's local and discuss plans for the weekend, Aussie Rules footy match, driving on the Melbourne F1 track and a trip to a winery. Now we've arrived. 

Friday 29th April 2016

The kids have gone to work so Dan and I pop into Oscar Coopers in Prahran for a breky. The waiter takes 1 look at us and knows exactly what to do. Within minutes Espresso Martinis have arrived. The 2 locals next to us recommend the breakfast burrito, it does not disappoint!

The rain outside is getting heavier and I'm in my flip flops, there's only 1 thing for it, 2 more Espresso Martinis!

In the evening, we head into Melbs to meet Andy for some after work drinks. This is where Andy works.  

We are taken to a number of secret bars, the coolest of which is 1 where you have to find the right book to pull and the door will open. This is called Fall From Grace. 

Cocktails are excellent. Next it's off to Berlin bar for an Angela Merkel then we manage to get in at Chin Chin, a restaurant Laura has been wanting to try for ages. The food is sensational. I love it. 

We finish off the night with some karaoke at FN. After watching a slew of people make fools of themselves, it's our turn and we belt out Journey's smash "Don't Stop Believing". Again, another incredible night. 

Sat 30th April 2016

Wholesome breky with the gang in Prahran. Sunshine, spicy bacon and eggs, Laura, Andy, Dan, what more could you want. 

To the bright yellow mini! Top down, Rnb Friday mix CD blaring out Jay-Zed's 99 problems among many others. I may know all the words! We're so gangster. Driving down the Great Ocean Road takes about an hour but with this crew, we're there in no time. Our first winery is in Chandon where we sample the premium Champagne selection. 

My favourite was the second most expensive, Andy loved the cheapest. Make of that what you will?! Next it was off to our second winery, if the first 1 was corporate, this was super rural. They had absolutely acres built into the side of the mountain. Wild kangaroos came to join us in the evening after our eighth wine sample, a beautifully sweet dessert wine. Thoroughly enjoyable day that would not be complete without stopping by a brewery to sample some local lagers and ales to boot. Back at Andy and Laura's they cook us some fantastic steak and serve us some of the awesome wine they bought at the winery. Another great day and we just had enough time to watch the qualifying of the Russian Grand Prix. 

Sunday 1st May 2016

Ok well it must time for a hangover, yep there it is! 9am wake up call to go to work with Laura. This time we take her up on the offer, as she's going via the Melbourne F1 track. She actually lets us drive! It's another dream realised. 

That is the actual finish line behind the car, it's soooo cool. After a bit more larking around it's back to Prahran for breky. This time it's to a very Shoreditch place, where we sample a new Espresso Martini with Orange peel. Today's plan, make our way to the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) to watch our first Aussie Rules Footy match. On the way we take in sights of the Rod Laver stadium where the Australian Open is played and also the AAMI where Melbourne FC play. 

The MCG is enormous, it holds about 90,000 people but is only half full. The crowd has the home and away fans all mixed in together so we better keep our heads down haha. The game is absolute madness, 30 burly men fighting over an oval ball for about 4 hours with a couple of beers thrown in with some sunshine. 

Great afternoon before we head home for a chicken casserole and apple crumble made by the dream team Andy and Laura. More wine follows and the Russian Grand Prix and a bit of Man United v Leicester before we manage 3 hours sleep before alas we have to leave Melbs and head to New Zealand and more specifically Aucks. 

Mon 3rd May 2016

This is not our finest morning, dog tired, super hungover but we get to ride on another A380. The Rolls Royce of air travel. Our film to fall asleep to this time is Deadpool, very funny to begin with but unfortunately I fall asleep again. When we arrive in Aucks, there's an enormous Jumbo Jet with Iron Maiden, "Book of Souls World Tour" emblazoned on the side. Very cool. We get a shuttle to our hostel but the traffic is horrendous so takes forever. I fall asleep many times. We go for a little walk around the harbour, enjoy some Mexican food then get an early night. Need some serious relaxation after the last 8 days of pure enjoyment haha.

Tues 3rd May 2016

A day that will live in infamy. This is a day that Dan and I will jump out of a plane at 16,500 feet or to put it into perspective 3.5 miles. It is so high that we are given oxygen masks at about 12,000 feet. It's a fairly early start, we get picked up at the Sky Tower, extremely apt considering what we are embarking upon. There's a bit of concern as the pickup instructions aren't the clearest and the bus is late. Quick call to HQ at about £1000 a minute (probably) and everything's confirmed. Just sit tight, they're on their way! All picked up and it's a 40 minute jaunt out to Parakai. 

The weather is sensational, perfect for the big jump. We're taken through a few safety procedures, basically put your arms out when tapped and scream as loud as you can! Easy right?! Dan and I are first to go up with a fellow Brit who is an Emirates Air Hostess who was actually on our flight to Auckland the previous day. She was flying back to Melbourne at 5pm, quite a thing to do on a stopover. The plane is minute, the pilot looks about 12 and about 20 more people pile in. So we're in the air and it's feeling pretty high already, the instructor shows us his altitude watch and we're only at 2,000 feet. The scenery is incredible. It gets to 13,000 feet and the door opens and most of the guys jump out. They fall so fast we can't even see them once they jump out of the plane. Right, let's go higher, deep breaths in the oxygen mask, we're going to 16,500! Ok 3 left, Emirates is first out, woh that was fast. Next is Dan, gone. Ok it's just me left. This is my time, I shuffle along to the open door. I sit on the edge, legs are out, I look down for a second before the plane is suddenly a distant memory. We go into a spin, the pressure is insane, 200km/h instantly, terminal velocity, wow! Now I feel the tap on the shoulder, arms out, legs up, now we're sky diving. The instructor thinks it's hilarious to now put us into a spin. It's a complete overload for the senses, 11,000 feet in 75 seconds. Now it's time for the parachute, the sudden drop in speed is like an emergency stop times 10! My legs fly up so high they nearly knock me out. The world looks so peaceful as we gradually ease to the ground, it's stunning. And we're back on the ground, what an absolutely amazing rush. 

Now it's time to bask in celebration while we wait for the rest of the group to do theirs. Back to Auckland for a few celebratory drinks. Everything we do after this morning's events pales into comparison. So we went for dinner at a very nice Belgian restaurant and sample the mussels and monkfish before a couple of drinks at the local hostel bar. Everyone there hasn't done a skydive but we have, what a day! So special. 

Wed 4th May 2016

Ok, time for exhilaration of a different kind. 7am start to get the bus to Hobbiton and the Waitomo caves. Unfortunately it's a bit foggy so the scenery is somewhat obscured. We take this opportunity to catch up on some sleep. It's a 2.5 hour journey to Middle Earth, our bus driver is cool with a very dry sense of humour and delights us with a few interesting facts over the PA system. Everyone raves about what amazing countryside there is in New Zealand but as an Englishman, if I'd been abducted by aliens and dropped here. You could easily confuse it with the Yorkshire Dales. Very lush, rolling hills, sheeps, cattle and horses all filling the landscape. Very beautiful but not massively different to the UK. 

So we arrive at Hobbiton, meet our very knowledgeable guide for the day. Unsurprisingly, our tour group of 50 is 90% oriental. So quiet and polite. Looking at the hobbit film set is fantastic and I really enjoy taking plenty of pictures. 

Next we're taken to the Green Dragon, which is the pub featured in the film for complimentary beers and a very extensive buffet with a lovely selection of desserts. We are then whisked back on the coach for a couple of hours for a tour of the Waitomo caves. This is an amazing underground network of stalactites and glow worms that stretches on for 700 metres. Nowhere near the largest, which stands at 17km. The gestapo do not allow pictures so unfortunately I have nothing to post here. I did take some sneaky ones but they didn't come out anyway. 3 hour coach journey back to Auckland, quite a long day so we decide to make the bold decision of cooking in the communal kitchen in the hostel. Most people there are doing 6, 12, 24 month stints so everyone cooks in the kitchen. It's a nice way to trade stories and get advice on where to go. 

Thu 5th May 2016

Our last full day in Auckland. Decide to just chill so go a little out of the City in search of a hipster cafe that serves Espresso Martinis. We don't find 1 but we do find a trendy bagel establishment, where the breakfast bagels are to die for and huge. 

Spend the rest of the day reading in the hostel and listening to music before we go on the backpackers pub crawl in the eve. Let's go out with a bang! It is very well organised by a couple of cockney geezas with a megaphone. There's about 50 people in our group and they are the pied piper. 

It's like being a student again. We get talking to a few guys from our hostel. One of which is called Mason, nicknamed Captain America. Really cool guy, used to be in the airforce, born leader, very friendly, got everyone dancing and bought a round of shots. Legend. We continually get asked for ID and at 33 I don't even carry any so we have to keep having to sweet talk the bouncers. Who I might add are Maoris and absolute behemoths of men. Party tunes ensue and all of sudden it is time to go home as alas we have to check out the next morning. Like Sydders and Melbs, Aucks we thank you, you've been wonderful. 

Fri 6th May 2016

Check out time is 9.45am, a bit tired and hungover we just about grab all our stuff together and get out in time. We squeeze in a Macca's breakfast before we catch the bus to the airport. Bit of confusion about where to catch it from but we find it with a slight delay. I'm a bit concerned when the bus lady announces it will take twice as long to get to the airport. With our delay it's going to be extremely tight for check-in. I try to check in online but it won't allow it from mobiles. I start to look at alternative flights in case we miss it. The next 1 is not until tomorrow. Eek! In the end we make it with plenty of time to spare. The bus lady had wildly overestimated journey time. Thanks a bunch!

Land in New Caledonia, now this is VERY different. Tropical. Humid. Tranquil. 

60 minute journey by shuttle and we're at our new home. This time it's with Airbnb so we're expecting a divorced lady in her 50s. This happened every time in South America. We are not disappointed. Sure enough she is a quirky singleton in her 50s that doesn't speak a great deal of English. Then she drops the bombshell that we don't have the entire flat to ourselves, she'll be staying in the second bedroom. Not quite what we booked or had in mind but it got a bit awkward trying to explain this so we left it. Stunning flat though. What a view of Noumea. 

By now we are famished so we go in search of some local cuisine and a beer or 2. Find a lovely place on the coast called Barca, it's very affluent and full of European looking French speaking people. Dan goes for an amazing seafood platter and I have a go at 1 of his oysters, not too bad. There's also a live band playing some rock tunes and they're very good. 

Now this is where it gets interesting. Tomorrow we have a ferry booked to the Isle of Pines with a return on Sunday. Except the ferry company have cancelled the return. Our host doesn't believe they can do this so she says she will come with us to the ferry terminal at 6am to argue the toss in French. So it may happen after all. Ok pack an overnight bag as we could be camping on the Isle of Pines, alarm set for 5am. Tomorrow we go in search of adventure. This is Dan's dream. 

Sat 7th May 2016

The start of an incredible day begins at 4.30am. Dan jumps in the shower and leaves the door to the bedroom open. I hear some commotion in the streets, people shouting, vehicles crashing. A van has crashed into a fire engine. Dan comes back in, time to get up Dave. He's still on New Zealand time so he's an hour ahead, I tell him to go back to bed for an hour. 

A continental breakfast is served on the balcony by our host which was a nice touch. Ok to the ferry port and the start of our emotional roller coaster. On arrival, the return ferry is on just the times have changed. Great! We're going! Next person, bolshy angry Black French woman. No, it's not on, shit! More arguing in French from our host. Yes it's on but you have to get a plane back. Ok we tried this before and they were sold out. So not much confidence in this. Another guy, a manager, this time they speak English. He assures us we can get a plane back and gives us his number to contact if/when necessary. It is absolutely imperative we get the ferry back on Sunday as we fly to Fiji on Monday. It is a big risk but we are confident enough in the guy something will happen. The ferry to the Isle of Pines is 3 hours and toward the end of the journey the captain finds us and tells us there are no flights from the Isle of Pines, fuck! The solution is we stay on and go and stay at another island called Marie for the night and come back to Noumea of Sunday. Otherwise we will have to stay 2 nights at the Isle of Pines and miss our flight to Fiji. We have no idea where this island is, what is on it or even if there's a place to stay. We are told there is some kind of festival going on so we could always just rest in the day and party all night. So when we arrive at the Isle of Pines, we have 5 minutes to jump off and take a few photos next to the sign then jump back on. The ferry is a further 3 hours to Marie which is a killer. 

We land on Marie, after speaking to a young resident on board who is studying in Noumea he gives us vague directions where the festival is. It is to the West. The port is a ghost town, there used to be amenities there but not for decades or so. We set off on foot in the scorching heat needing food and water. A stray mangey looking dog decides to accompany us on this jaunt. He looks pretty desperate for food and he won't leave us alone. We soldier on and a truck with 3 beefy black guys turns up asking us what we're doing. They don't speak English so we try to explain we're looking for a hotel. They offer us a lift but conscious this is how horror films start we politely decline. A few minutes later, another truck stops and this time it's an old couple. They offer to take us to the festival so we jump in. It's a good job as it is a further 7km up the road. We try to give them some money but they were just happy to help a couple of English idiots walking in the midday sun. We arrive in Nece, which is approaching civilisation and we head into the festival. Everyone is staring, English people never come here. So what do we do now. We approach a group of French looking students having some beers on the grass in front of the main stage. Parlez-vous Anglais? Oui, how can we help you. They take us to 1 of the chiefs who has a place for us to stay and also a tour of the island. Great stuff. The people are incredibly friendly and caring. They can't do enough for you. It's magical. 

The tour encompasses an Evangelical monument with complimentary coffee served in a bowl. We are then taken to a perfume factory with a tour, all in French but we get a whiff of what they're cooking. The scents sell with some of the designers for £100 a bottle. Next onto a stunning cave where swallows nest. Then onto the Warrior drop, where the legend is a warrior can jump off the cliff and still survive. Gotta love an urban legend. 

Dan and I flagging now and beginning to switch to our emergency power supply when a friendly couple also on the tour start passing around oranges and chocolate biscuits. Exactly what was required! We even stop to pick some mandarin which are as the French say delicieux. We are then taken to a beach in La Rocha for a quick swim and to a supermarche to stock up on a few essentials. It's an immensely close knit community where everybody knows everybody and everybody trusts everybody. It's wonderful. The tour lasts about 4 hours and takes us on a full circuit of the island. Once back at the festival, it is dark and now we have to find Louie, he's the guy that's sorted us some accommodation. He begins to walk us in the direction of our digs when we come across probably the coolest bar I've ever seen. At the top of a shallow cliff face is a shack that's cooking up bat stew and a yam, avocado and coconut stew as well as serving beers but more on that later. As you walk down the path, a few tables and chairs fill the area just above the sea and a luminous light illuminates the clearest of seas below. It's amazing! There are stunning fish and huge shells, you can even have a quick dip. But first we have to have a chat with 'King' Louie's bros. Henri and Phillipe are both really enthusiastic and love to talk Manchester United with me. All this with me trying to speak French. All of a sudden Louie's dad says I'll drive you so we jump in the back of a van and off we go. Our room is a single room shack with a thatch roof, concrete floor and a couple of mattresses and blankets. There's even a plug socket to charge our phones. Much better than the tent we probably would have had otherwise. 

Ok back to Henri's bar where we meet Jul, super friendly guy who offers to show us round the festival. Dan tries the bat stew, it still has it's head and teeth in it so I have a sample of the meat but instead go for the yam and coconut concoction which is fantastic. We go round the festival watching the various acts and everyone wants to chat to us and give us things. They are so happy that English have come all this way. We end up with 4 enormous avocados and a load of beers. What more could you want. A few more beers later, and after a very long day that started with a car crash at 4.30am we call it a night. Absolutely incredible day, amazing adventure with the friendliest people I've ever met. 

Sun 8th May 2016

Awoken around 4am by a cock crowing it's head off but manage to get back to sleep. After a bit of breky that includes some jam (all the way from France?!) we go into the town of Necé and meet the Chief. He's pretty crazy. Then it's off to the port (Tadine) to get the ferry back to mainland New Caledonia (Noumea). It's a 5 hour journey so pretty epic, we're upgraded to VIP because of the cancellation the previous day. So not too bad. I sleep for a good portion of the crossing as it's mostly ocean. Once back at Noumea, as it's Sunday everything is closed so finding buses or taxis back to the apartment is pretty difficult. We manage to find a hotel and make up a sob story about being lost and the receptionist very kindly calls us a cab. Apparently you can't flag them down. 

Home now and our quirky host is actually sat outside the apartment block waiting for us. Why? Who knows! There is a buzzer. Quick shower and freshen up and off we go into Noumea for some dinner. Find an amazing stone steak place where you cook the steak yourself. A customer actually comes out to recommend it to us when we were looking at the menu and wavering. So we cheekily tell the waitress to give her a discount. The meal is delicious but before too long it is time for bed, alarm is set for 4.30am, ugh!

Mon 9th May 2016

Time to leave Noumea, not without a fraught shuttle bus ride to the airport. They pick us up late then there's a further 2 pickups en route. Thus arriving at the airport only 1h20m before departure, luckily this place dances to it's own tune so we're OK and make it onto our flight with no issues. 

Land in Fiji or Nadi to be specific. Wow, this is very different again. Much more tropical with super lush vegetation and palm trees, it's great, I love it! £5 taxi ride from the airport and I'm sat in a hammock enjoying the local beer. Dan is feeling pretty unwell after sampling bat in Maré. 

So he goes to the room to try and sleep it off. I hang out on the beach and catch up on some reading and listen to some tunes, it's bliss. 

In the evening Dan is still unwell so I go for a jaunt on my own. I join a kava ceremony, a drink that is supposed to have mild alcoholic effects. It's pretty good, plus there's some local Fijians playing guitar, laughing, joking and a load of tourists from all over the world. Great time trading stories. 

Tues 10th May 2016

Yet another early start but basically a lie in in real money, 8am start. Quick shower, pack and we're off down the beach for breakfast and to catch the boat to Beachcomber! So excited. Meet a couple of the kava crew from the night before at breakfast and share a few handshakes, hugs, laughs. Bonds are formed quickly on your travels. Next we are whisked away on a speed boat. The scenery is incredible, again like nothing I've ever seen before. There's so many tiny castaway islands just dotted about. 

We've arrived at Beachcomber, isn't it just amazing! We are serenaded with some local music as we get off the boat and our bags are taken straight to our room. Dan decides to get some more rest as he's still feeling a bit peaky so I hang out at the beach, catching some rays and reading my book. In the evening, a buffet dinner is laid on for us and there's some deals on some nice cocktails. A few more drinks later and various travellers have joined us. There's the usual story trading and lots of laughs. We meet a really interesting guy from LA who has done all sorts of scuba diving and has some interesting stories about Rio where he was mugged at knifepoint. He also very kindly shares with us some of his whisky so we return the favour with some vodka. There's a comedy moment where we order 1 Sprite for 3 people at the bar and then top up our glasses with a minuscule amount. We rack up a hefty bar tab and meet some guys from Brighton, who are lovely. As well as an air hostess from Perth, who is batshit crazy, travelling with a friend from Auckland. Very interesting stories about air travel and the things people do on planes. 

Wed 11th May 2016

Fairly decent hangover as we have to be up early for breakfast, I arrive late of course but the travelers are all there queuing up as soon as it opens at 7. This is what I'm told as I never saw this. As breakfast is drawing to a close and I'm on my third cup of exceptionally English tea, new people arrive on the island. A couple of friends from Nadi are here. Spirits immediately raised. Snorkelling? Why hell yes! Quick change, flippers acquired, deposit paid and we're on another boat. The water is incredible and fish are this electric blue colour, stunning. Oh my god?! What the hell is that right in front of my face? Am I dreaming? It's a jellyfish! Freaks me out a little so I decide to get the hell outta dodge. Apparently these ones don't sting, I don't find this out until I get back to shore though. 

After all this exhilaration my hangover is gone. Great, time to start drinking again? Ok, maybe not. Spend the rest of the day chilling by the beach with our friends from Nadi and swimming in the sea, it's heaven. A true paradise. In the evening, there's fire dancing and a limbo competition. 

A few quiet drinks with a few friends from the night before and we get an early night. It's our last night in Fiji so I'm pretty sad but it's been out of this world, I've never seen such amazing scenery. 

Thu 12th May 2016

Today could be the tightest transfer yet. Flight is at 3pm, boat from Beachcomber is due at 12pm and takes about an hour but they didn't turn up until after 1pm the previous couple of days meaning we may only have 1 hour before the flight goes. There is running joke that everything runs on 'Fiji Time'. I.e. Very late and always relaxed. So I was fairly relaxed about it all. 

In actual fact, the boat was only half an hour late, took 20 minutes to get to the mainland and our flight took off about an hour late, Fiji time. In the end we actually had a couple of hours at the airport. Flight was a hefty 5 hours back to Sydders. Dan and I are not feeling the best when we get back, don't think the food in Fiji was the cleanest?! A few hurried trips to the loo and we watch a film in the room and pass out about 9pm.

Fri 13th May 2016

My final day in Sydders is upon us, what to that we haven't already. Quick look at TripAdvisor's top 10 must do and they're all ticked off. It's a gorgeous day so we walk toward the Opera House via Hyde Park and the Botanical Gardens. Couple drinks overlooking the Harbour in the Opera bar. I most definitely think so!

As we leave, we come across an amazing orchestra being led by 2 pianists. There's 2 accordion players, 9 violinists, 2 double bassists, 3 clarinetists and 2 flutists. Dan is in his element. In the evening we head for a Chinese in the CBD, it's ok. Wouldn't rush back. We then see the corporate crowd busting out of an enormous expanse of umbrellas on a cool terrace so we head in. It isn't the greatest, we try a new place that seems fairly lively but the whole night turns on it's head when we find a door to a secret bar downstairs. This is really cool with a Latin flavour and an amazing band on. Next thing I know, Dan is away just feeling the music. I think he was salsa'ing. The girls were loving it. 

A few hours of intense dancing with the band! And a few cheeky waters from the bar and it's time to call last orders on Sydders and the entire trip. It's an emotional moment. 

Sat 14th May 2016

The day is finally here, the day I leave Dan and the South Pacific. It's not something I've been looking forward to. We take a walk into the city, we need the perfect drink to finish off what we started 3 weeks ago in Manchester. Unfortunately, going into a cafe and asking if they serve alcohol before midday seems an alien concept to the baristas of Sydney. Eventually we find somewhere to accommodate our needs in Darling Harbour, 2 Espresso Martinis please. In a flash it's over and I'm at the train station. Give Dan an emotional hug, it's been an incredible 3 weeks, it's had everything. Something I will always cherish and for that Dan I thank you.